week in craig 128x128.jpgOne of the more frustrating things about living in New York (besides the pervasive pee-stink, las cucarachas, and those pesky terrorists!) is the fact that the average person doesn’t own a car. For example, instead of being able to simply drive yourself to Ikea…
by Amy Blair

week in craig 350x200.jpg
by Amy Blair
One of the more frustrating things about living in New York (besides the pervasive pee-stink, las cucarachas, and those pesky terrorists!) is the fact that the average person doesn’t own a car. For example, instead of being able to simply drive yourself to Ikea to buy some reasonably priced yet structurally impossible to assemble Swedish furniture like everyone else in America, you’ve got to either lug your brand new Borghamn Storage System home on the BUS, or you’ve got to pay some dude on craigslist $55 to drive your ass there and back.
Personally I have owned exactly two cars in my life. Twelve years ago I bought a 1986 Ford Escort that summarily died eight months later on account of its shoddy craftsmanship, my penchant for driving thirty miles over the speed limit, and the fact that god hates me. Car-less and seventeen, I called on my crazy Vietnam vet father to score a cheap vehicle for me (since I have never once in my life seen my father drive a car that was valued at more than $300). He put me in touch with his equally crazy four hundred-pound alcoholic friend who had been driving the same 1979 Chevy Nova pretty much since he got back from ‘Nam. He was so fat that the front seat was crushed in, and I had to sit on three bed pillows in order to see over the dash. I gave him $150 for it and prayed for my life. The first day I drove it, the glass in the passenger-side window fell out when my friend Kristen tried to roll it down. Later that night the car ran out of gas on the Garden State Parkway at 3 a.m. I spent three hours alone on the side of the road waiting for the tow truck, learning the hard way that the gas gauge was broken. I sold it right before I left for college to a guy who told me he liked the Grateful Dead bumper sticker on it. I forgot to mention the thing about the gas gauge.
Anywho, let’s head into the Cars & Trucks and Auto Parts sections of craigslist. Honk honk, beep beep.

1997 BMW 528I female driven white w/ beige leather – $8000

I am selling my 1997 BMW 528I. This car has 110K original miles. This car belongs to my wife and she has babied it since we purchased it. When I bought this car it needed a new head gasket witch it recieved. The only problem is that the mechanic didn’t do a valve job and now it has a ticking from one of the valves. Performance wise this car has incredible power. The bodoy and interior are in very good condition. THere is a small spot on the rear bumper where she backed into a garbage can and a small dent on the front fender near the passenger door from a shopping cart. The rear seat has a burned section which was there when we got the car. A leather upolsterer said it would cost about $80 to $100 to fix it. Everything else on this car is great! We are selling due to new renovations we need to pay for on the house. This car is ready to go. Price is slightly negotiable so let’s make a deal!
My goddamned wife – I’ve told her a million times not to bring the fucking Beamer to the grocery store. Those idiot broads are always nicking the front bumper with their shopping carts! Then last week she put the car in reverse and drove it right into a garbage can at the end of the driveway when she was on her way to pick our kids up from school. If it wasn’t for the fact that she needs it to pick my suits up from the dry cleaner every week, I wouldn’t let her have a car at all. Fucking broads.


Since i came so close today, albiet after sifting through several incoherent responses i will try again, and i will try to be more specific,hopefully making it easier for those with difficulty comprehending what they read. I have a 2005 Toyota Corolla that I am looking to EITHER sell or trade down. I will sell it for $13,000 firm, or will trade for $10,000 PLUS a vehicle that is worth $3,000. The vehicle must be newer then a 1997 and have less then 70-75,000 miles. This ad DOES not mean I am selling the Toyota for $10,000, It does not mean I want a 1992 car with 140,000 miles and it does not mean I want an even trade. I am selling my car ONLY because I need the money, not because there is anything wrong with it, and not because I don’t like it, however I must have a vehicle to replace it, in order to get around as I am disabled. If anyone is interested in either buying the Toyota outright, or is looking for a newer car then what they have and you think we can work something out give me a hollar.
Thank you

These disabled people sure do get cranky, don’t they?


And watch out for those chicks on Casual Encounters. I hear some of them are, like, dirty hookers who are just trying to take your precious, innocent man-flower in exchange for a hundred bucks. Oh, and while you’re at it, beware the Abominable Snowman, the Boogie Man and the Loch Ness Monster (a.k.a. Nessie). Watch your backs, people. There’s scary shit out there. Scary, scary shit.
2004 HUMMER H-2 – $39995
2004 HUMMER H-2
29000 MILES

Jesus Christ, a $40,000 hummer?!? And here I’ve been giving ‘em out for free three times a week.
And then there’s this lady…
420a good working head – $200

good working head from non turbo eclipse enging 420a. no cam gear everything else in great shape

She’ll give you head AND she’ll get you high for just two hundred bucks. I mean, we all know a hummer’s nice, but why pay forty grand when you can get 420 and a plain old BJ for a pair of benjamins? Wait, weren’t we talking about cars?
Hard Times? sell me your car! good or junk
Hello, Everyone falls upon hard times.Well I can help! Quick money for bills, rent, partying, drugs, whatever! Sell Me your car. Any condition accepted from nice running cars to total shitboxes and trainwrecks. No papers, keys or wheels OK!I will need you to fill out a form. Cash within the hour in most cases! Call the car Hotline @ (516)446-4644 Thanks, Rich.

Aww, what a nice fellow this “Rich” is…he’s willing to undervalue your car and give you cash within the hour for those hard times when you’re about to be evicted, your drug dealer threatens to kill you, and you just need one more little bump…
Ripping off the vulnerable (and the crackhead preppies whose parents finally cut them off, leaving them with nothing but a bunch of polo shirts and a Mercedes)…it’s the American dream.
wanted transmission tranny chevy truck
need 4l60e tranny for 1994 chevy 1500 truck 2wd.or a stick tranny with clutch pedal shifter and drive shaft.located on long island

Transgender and built like a Chevy truck. If that’s not a party, I don’t know what is.
So, anyone going to Ikea this weekend?