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By Amy Blair
Like every other moron who threw away thousands and thousands of dollars on a liberal arts college degree in the nineties (lord only knows what they’re teaching the kids these days), I understand that gender is a social construct, a stereotype and a label, which frequently has nothing to do with biology. (Yes folks, just $8,000 more to go and I’m student loan free!).


week in craig 350x200.jpg
By Amy Blair
Like every other moron who threw away thousands and thousands of dollars on a liberal arts college degree in the nineties (lord only knows what they’re teaching the kids these days), I understand that gender is a social construct, a stereotype and a label, which frequently has nothing to do with biology. (Yes folks, just $8,000 more to go and I’m student loan free!).
And for several reasons that we don’t need to psychoanalyze at the moment (it’s funny to scare my mom!), the freaks tend to flock to me (it’s certainly not the other way around). I can now count among my circle of friends and acquaintances one boy who used to be a girl (penis and all), one girl who sometimes dresses like a boy, and one girl who plans to one day be a boy (penis and all) who is nonetheless a him. Which is to say that I know this is wrong but regardless I usually avoid looking at the Women Seeking Men section of craigslist because, simply, for the most part I find them pathetically female and, well, downright boring. And so, like the hamster who eats his own shit here I am dissing on my own – the straight chicks. However, like every good naturalist knows, sometimes you’re looking for a giraffe and what you find is an okapi. Other times you’re just fishing and you find a furry lobster. Life is strange, people are full of surprises, and here are some f4m ads that are straight up lacking vagina.
R U An In Shape Guy WithA Fat Ass & Big Thighs4 UrSize? Weird Fetish – w4m – 31
Are you in fairly good or excellent shape up top but just can not seem to shake off the extra junk in your trunk no matter how much you diet and exercise?
Do you have a thick lower body (chunky ass, big thighs for your frame?)
If you are an in shape guy who carry’s / gains weight in your ass and thighs…stop looking!
I have a chunky, hairy butt fetish. Guys with size 34″, 36″, 38″ waists. Muscular or lean upper bodies with thick lower bodies. Like you may think big tits are hot, I think an in shape guy with a fat, hairy ass is hot.
The fetish is strange…I am not. I like the kind of ass most chicks run from…chunky, round, covered with curly ass hair.
Good looking, 31 year old, athletic jock, married, bi, 100% discreet.
You come by, drop your pants, I get on my knees behind you, sniff your big, hairy butt, you leave.
Italian guys, Irish guys, Jewish guys, Dominican guys, Puerto Rican guys.
NOTHING SEXUAL!
I will make it worth your time $$$
100% discreet.

Now I have heard chicks talk about some nasty shit in my day. When girls get together they talk about everything from yeast infections to abnormal discharge and everything in between. But I have never – and I mean EVER – heard a chick talk about liking hairy-assed dudes with the F.L.A.W. (Fat Like A Woman). I re-read this ad like six times to make sure that it wasn’t written by a gay man, but nope. It’s all chick. Rejoice furry fat dudes, your prayers have been answered. And here I thought I was beyond shock at this point.
I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together…
I dig Live Music, Younger Men (30’s), Long Hot Soaks in Claw Foot Tubs, Dive Bars, Ambient Lounges, Long Philosophical Discussions, Single Malt Scotches, Cooking Fabulous Dinners, Adult Swim, Days Long Bouts of Passion…Send your pic and we’ll see what develops…Damn cute Female/40′s/petite/slender…nonsmoker preferred, 420 cool..
.
I might like you better if we slept together? They’re into “philosophical discussions” and Adult Swim? This was clearly written by one of those Columbia frat boys who makes going out uptown a non-option. But wait – female? 40’s?? I’m so confused.
I need a cocktail.

Bodybuilder Seeks Muscular, Intelligent Guy – 29

I am a muscular, aggressive, dominant, beautiful 29 yo white female bodybuilder and personal trainer who is looking for a muscular, intelligent guy for a long term relationship.
I am very confident, athletic, and energetic.
Send your interests, photo, and phone for reply. Please only reply if you are
muscular and handsome.

Muscular, aggressive, dominant bodybuilder…goes by the name “Penelope.” Ahem, no comment.
Need some stress relief – 39
Not sure what I am in the full need for but it is just been a bad week. I need to relax and not talk too much and just have some compay for an hour or two. Maybe we can exchange some healing touch.
Send photo and fast..please be interesting down to earth a bit spiritual and just looking to releave stress!
and yes I am cute! SWF around 5 feet 5 in good shape

Will miracles never cease? The straight chicks are now using craigslist for “stress relief?” What else are you going to tell me – that moustaches are in style again?
Hold Me – 35
Yes, it’s that basic.
I want to be with a man who would love to hold a woman. A couple of times a week, for a couple of hours. Just hold. Spoon, cuddle, snuggle, perhaps fall asleep, wake up drowsy, snuggle some more. When the hours are up, we disentangle with wistful reluctance, smile, hug, say goodbye until the next time. Go out into the world glowing with the energy of shared touch, full body contact, wordless tenderness.
No sex. If a few gentle kisses happen to land on a few delectable patches of skin, that’s OK. If hands stroke and wander, in nice ways, that’s OK too. But this is not about dry humping, groping, feverish making out. It’s about you holding me. Simply because it feels lovely to you to have me in your arms, my body relaxed into yours. Because it feels lovely to me to be in your arms, cradled by the heat of your body.
I am 5’6″, 135lb, a woman of color, shoulder length dark hair. I feel good, look good, smell good. Please be my height or taller, feel good, look good, and smell good too. Ideally, you would shower and brush your teeth just before our meetings, and I would too. My preference is for more muscular men, but I won’t rule you out if you’re lean and appealing :-). You don’t need to have an athlete’s body or a model’s face, but please, no comb-overs, pot bellies, or scary teeth.
Oh, and you need to be willing to host, in a clean comfortable welcoming bedroom, or charming hotel room. Late afternoons / early evenings on weekdays and weekends would be ideal, but I can be flexible about time. No overnights.
Finally, you need to be local. Ideally, East Village, but definitely lower Manhattan.
A photo with your reply would be appreciated. But please also take a minute to tell me why my ad spoke to you and what you’d be seeking from a connection like this.
May your summer be filled with pleasurable touching………

Oh, thank god. Everything’s right in the universe again and the straight chicks on craigslist are behaving just as annoying female as ever.
Now if you’ll pardon me, I have some spooning to DO.
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