For any newcomers to this column, you might not realize that there are few things in life that are on par with my love for the Yankees (those things being cats, pickles, Court TV, cunnilingus, American Idol, and Jesusâ€¦not necessarily in that order). But this week weâ€™re putting all of those things aside…
by Amy Blair
by Amy Blair
For any newcomers to this column, you might not realize that there are few things in life that are on par with my love for the Yankees (those things being cats, pickles, Court TV, cunnilingus, American Idol, and Jesusâ€¦not necessarily in that order). But this week weâ€™re putting all of those things aside (sorry to disappoint all of the pickle lovers and American Idol fanatics out there). But this is the first week of the baseball season so you can imagine that Iâ€™m worked up into a frenzied state of sheer and utter excitement and finding it hard to think about anything OTHER than baseball. And so, good readers, this weekâ€™s dispatch is all about what else but first, second, and third baseâ€¦and of course, the good old homerun (heh heh, get it? Home run!).
Voila, Mr. Cleverâ€¦
BASEBALL’S BACK….WANNA PLAY? – m4w
Spring’s here…baseball’s back…and I have spring fever.
Is there a woman out there who’d enjoy some sexy fun today or this week?
I’d love to come by after work and talk baseball.
First base…second base..third base..home. Think I can make it?
Let’s trade pics and enjoy.
And weâ€™re off!
Oh but waitâ€¦there are others. Many, many others. Unfortunately.
Yankee Game on Big Screen TV–cuddle up and watch
Want to watch game 3 on a 47 inch home theater, HDTV- etc…? With a cute (season ticket holding) yankee fan (not a NUT fan, just a smart, good looking professional man who has tix)
Looking for a cute yankee fan to cuddle up with and watch the game…tonight and….??….and if we get past first base who knows…(fill in the baseball pun).
Would it really be baseball season a deluge of douche bags trying to get some booty on craigslist with the old â€œif we get past first baseâ€ line? People, when are you going to realize that you will simply not get laid this way?
Anyway, thanks to the magic of the World Wide Web and the Pathetic Perverts of America Club, the following breakdown of the bases, sixth grade style, is possible.
And in the beginning, there was first baseâ€¦
I want a kiss… – 30
I have a habit of hard kissing. Such a turn on!
Chunky impulsive girl with buble-gum breath and kissable lips.
Yikes. I think I had a nightmare once about a chunky impulsive girl with bubble gum breath and a habit of hard kissing. I think that it ended somewhere in the gulag, with Danny Pintauro tickling my feet as John Wayne Gacy sang me a lullaby.
Right-o. Moving on to second base.
Breast Request – Religious virgin – w4w – 22
Hi there. I am posting to try and find the lady who offered last week to let me come over and massage her breasts from Astoria. We talked and then I had to back out because of a medical situation in my family.. If you are still around then please let me know.
If your not around, then if anybody else is willing to let me drive over and play with your breasts for a little bit this weekend for fun then let me know. I am a virgin for religious reasons (I am trying to have morals here, but dang it is ahrd), but not knowing what a womens breasts feels like is KILING me.. I just want to hold them to know what all the hype is about.. I can’t have sex with you since I have chosen not too until I am married. So please don’t ask. I am a young guy, in shape, and white. Green eyes, and brownish blond hair. I am 5’10″ and will do pretty much anything but have sex with you. So if there is anything you need let me know. I have pictures as well, and will be happy to send them over, but I am still trying to find the sweetheart who was so kind last week I am kicking myself for not getting a phone #. I don’t care what you look like, I just am longing to feel your breasts and know what they feel like. I will be really appreciative for your unselfish kindness. If I can help you clean or cook or fix anything you need I am pretty good with my hands. Thanks for reading.
People, the next time youâ€™re feeling blue, just close your eyes and think to yourself â€œI am posting to try and find the lady who offered last week to let me come over and massage her breasts from Astoria.â€ And then all will be OK in the world, and you can be happy.
Confidential to Religious Virgin: Most people who are saving themselves for marriage in the name of the lord do not drive to Rego Park, or whatever, to squeeze some crazy old hookerâ€™s fun bags. Weâ€™re not buying it. Nobodyâ€™s buying it. If you want to feel someone up, there are more traditional approaches to doing so that would probably be more effective. It shouldnâ€™t cost more than ten bucks in the Bronx.
Ahem. Third base.
Seeking Man or Men to Practice Giving Blow Jobs – 24
I want to get expert good at giving blow jobs and seeking guy or guys that will let me practice on him and tell me what feels best and what to do. This is 100% no strings attached free blow jobs for you. No dating, no kissing no sex. Just me givig you oral sex on you once or on a regular basis until I am an expert (I want to learn to deep throat. How much hand is enough? Is it better to swallow or to let a guy cum on my face? Is it better to take a long time or to have him cum in one minute?). I do not want to talk to you more than you tell me what do do while I give you oral sex. I will be very grateful for your advice. I am attractive blonde hair blue eyes athletic.
Merry Christmas, Gentlemen. Donâ€™t say I never did anything for you.
And finally, letâ€™s go all the way.
looking to have sex ALOT – 32
dont get me wrong….. I need to become friends first….. or at least have a closeness with you, and that it means something to us both.. Also looking for a woman that enjoys life and love and romance and desire and passion. who can appreciate a beautiful day, the flowers and the trees, how the grass feels beneath her feet..
Im looking for a friend that can become my lover. hurry…. with your reply. I am 6 foot, 170 lbs, athletic build…. like a super hero…( smile) what are you waiting for…. start typing… I have photos for those that are interested….
naturally, yours gets mine.
Ladies, do you appreciate the way the, um, grass feels beneath your feet? Are you into, you know, um, super hero types? Are you looking for a relationship that really â€œmeans somethingâ€ to both partners? Then Iâ€™ve got the perfect man for you. How about the dude who advertises on craigslist that heâ€™s â€œlooking to have sex A LOT?â€ Heâ€™s really such a romantic.
Welcome back to baseball season, folks. I wish you nothing less than grand slams all summer long. And a trip to the World Series for the Yanks wouldnâ€™t be half bad, either. And, well, if weâ€™re really just making wishes here, letâ€™s throw in an opportunity to see Derek Jeter naked. And then we can all die happy.