Wordsmith and tirade reciting comedian George Carlin will rant no more, he’s dead. Known for his irreverent act that usually involved pushing people out of their comfort zones died at the age of 71 from heart failure. The legendary funnyman achieved counterculture hero status when his infamous “Seven Words” routine got him arrested, and led to an eventual Supreme Court ruling. In addition to ranting about the government, social norms, and word usage, Carlin had a special place in hell specifically reserved for religion. He possessed a bitter contempt for all things holy and scared, lambasting religious hocus-pocus on many an occasion. Positive Atheism has a great collection of his best God-hating quotes on record. A few of our favs below:

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, “This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it’s not for me.”

“I’ve begun worshiping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.”

“Here’s another question I’ve been pondering — what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people believe in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it’s a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and absorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking angels, my friend!”

What about Goblins, huh? Doesn’t anybody belive in Goblins? You never hear about this. Except on Halloween and then it’s all negative shit. And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That’s the trouble with Zombies, they’re unreliable! I say if you’re going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

I don’t have any beliefs or allegiances. I don’t believe in this country, I don’t believe in religion, or a god, and I don’t believe in all these man-made institutional ideas.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

St. George Carlin image: |Micklikesmonkeys|