tarantino_.jpg“Fuck you and your jew dogs.” With dialogue like that, it must be “Inglorious Bastards,” aka “Inglorious Basterds,” the not-yet-shot Quentin Tarantino penned and to-be-directed script that makes its online debut here at ANIMAL (PDF doc)[UPDATE]. I just got through reading all 165-pages of this World War II-themed wackadoodle tale, and it’s a doozy. Rumors abound it could be a fake, but it sounds like authentic Tarantino to me. One thing’s for sure: Quentin, your spelling is fucking atrocious.
A mix of bloody mayhem-filled scenes and politically incorrect dialogue that takes down whites, blacks, and Jews alike, the ensemble-ish tale sort of follows the highfalutin mission of a group of murderous Jewish-American soldiers who like bashin’ in heads with bats, carving Swastikas in foreheads, and “Killin Nazi’s.”

The screenplay consists of five “chapters”: “Once Upon a Time… Nazi Occupied France,” “Inglorious Basterds,” “German Night in Paris,” “Operation Kino,” and “Revenge of the Giant Face.” It’s not clear what the studio heads currently reading these pages will think when they encounter lines like, “That’s what we need, pigs that can root out jews,” or notes that intone, “WE JUST SEE A SUPER QUICK SHOT OF Goebbels FUCKING Francesca DOGGY STYLE,” but nevertheless there’s something relentless compelling about a Hollywood player who dares to write scenes that end with this kind of reveal: “During her conversation and strudel with the man that exterminated her entire family, shosanna pissed herself.”
On the one hand, “Inglorious Basterds” offers a comedically cartoonish, eye-poppingly surreal micro-vision of a war that never was. At the same time, Tarantino takes on a bigger story–about the relationship between Hollywood and movie stars, heroes and murderers, and what happens to filmmaking in a world where Joseph Goebbels dreams of becoming David O. Selznick. “Inglorious Basterds” is a mess, but nobody can deny the beauty of a war movie that ends in a “literal red rain of legs, arms, heads, torsos, and asses.” Reverse Cowgirl