Representative Paul Broun (R-Ga., Baptist) is a congressman who enjoys making definitions. He sponsored bill H.R. 4157, aka the Sanctity of Human Life Act, in an effort to have the start of human life officially begin at conception. No prize to figure out where he’s going with that one. With H. J. Res. 82, Rep. Broun wants nothing less
than an amendment to the Constitution that allows for castration in rapes cases where the victim is under the age of 16; H. J. Res. 83 would allow the death penalty for the same crime. Oh, and he wants English to be the official language of the U.S., and was instrumental in establishing…umm…National Glanzmann’s Thrombasthenia Awareness
His latest effort, H.R. 5821, is also known as the Military Honor and Decency Act. Apparently, men serving their country are no longer allowed to masturbate. At least not using any materials sold on military bases, including Playboy and Penthouse. This isn’t a new battle. In 1997, Bob Guccione successfully argued against a ban on Penthouse. But the time has come to revisit this dire matter of national security. According to Rep. Broun’s spokesperson, John Kennedy:

“Few people will contest the notion that Playboy and Penthouse and others are sexually explicit… However, (Dept. of Defense) officials with a wink and a nod do not find that these rise to the definition.” (Childish emphasis

What’s most awesome about the bill is Broun’s surprisingly explicit definition of “nudity”:

human genitals, pubic area, anus, anal cleft, or any part of the female breast below a horizontal line across the top of the areola with less than an opaque covering but does not include the exposure of the cleavage of the female breast exhibited by a dress, blouse, bathing suit, or other apparel.

So, to sum up the proposed bill: Cleavage fans = ok. Anal cleft fans =out of luck
Rep. Paul Broun, Jr. |GovTrack|
Military Honor and Decency Act |GovTrack|