Craig Coakley, Citi Field Streaker
So your boss and buddies put you up to running on the field with a stuffed monkey covering your crotch. You didn’t think you were going to get in that much trouble. But you did, and now all your work and effort dedicated to disrupting a baseball game will result in you …watching the Mets’ games from home for the rest of your life, it seems. Good. Coakley and his “run nigger run” buddy are the epitome of detestable Mets fans who don’t think before they act and spend waaaay too much time perfecting their greasy handjob oevure. Coakley won his bet, but the money he won probably won’t cover his legal bills and fines.

Megan Fox
Bisexuality is nothing to joke about, Megan. Especially when you’ve fully-established yourself as the wank-wank queen of the Axe body spray-wearing set. Now that she’s vacillating between genders, it’s become even more apparent that this is all one big promotional strategy for Transformers 2. That Michael Bay is a crafty motherfucker. Because he knows that teenage boys (and super-nerdy adults) love one thing more than transformative robots and that’s hot lesbian fantasies featuring girls that love transformative robots.

Jim Cramer
After Jon Stewart revealed him to be nothing more than a Wall Street infomercial huckster, everyone though the Mad Money host had softened and seen the error of his ways. But now? Martyrdom! “I think the attack on CNBC and the attacks on me were gravely misplaced. It was rather remarkable in that it was so clear that his goal was to just destroy me. One day he’ll answer for it.” Aw. His butthole is bleeding.

Craig Newmark
The weeble-shaped founder of Craig’slist caved due to public outcry stemming from the “Craig’s List killer” story and yanked the famous “Erotic Services” off his page forever. Newmark, whose company developed an inventive way of ad-placement that transformed new media, is now suffering from the same thing many of his print contemporaries did for so long: liberal guilt and the lack of gumption to think ahead. The good-guy pub Newmark will get for pushing forward with this should garner him a few headlines — in newspapers. But that’s the fate of someone who just cost thousands of prostitutes their jobs.

Most Evil: Lonn Trost
The Yankees Chief Operating Officer spelled out for Yankees fans what they already knew about the expensive new stadium with one slimy quote:”There’s an area by the Legends Suite which is not an area that fans can get into,” Trost said. “If you purchase a suite, do you want somebody in your suite? If you purchase a home, do you want somebody in your home?” The “somebody” Trost is referring to, of course, is you, middle class Yankee fan with a family of four. How long before the Yankees start throwing plastic over the seats so the rowdy kids don’t leave footprints all over their pristine furniture?