At a press conference this afternoon Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, a Republican, admitted that he loves Argentina more than the Appalachian Trail and that he’s been having an extramarital affair. The politician made headlines when he went missing for the past few days and even his wife didn’t know his whereabouts. |LATimes|
With the help of the Spanish National Police, INTERPOL, the Seattle Police Department, the Port of Seattle Police Department, the Bellevue Police Department and an attaché in Madrid, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) proudly announced the sentencing of a Washington man for trying “to sell a gold bookmark that is believed to have belonged to Adolf Hitler.” He’ll face a whole month in prison after failing to pawn off the stolen relic for $100k in a Seattle Starbucks. It was taken from a Madrid auction house before a collector of mass murder memorabilia was able to bid on it.
The swastika decorated bookmark bears the evil face of the Führer and was reportedly a gift from his mistress Eva Braun after the Nazis got their asses handed to them in Stalingrad. It was engraved with words: “My Adolf, don’t worry…(the deafeat)…was only an inconvenience that will not break your certainty of victory.”
A weapons buy and bust went especially bad yesterday when a Queens narcotics cop had his gun stolen by the arms dealer he was supposed to be busting. Worse, the dealer made his getaway with the undercover cop’s car. At least he didn’t keep driving around the block taunting the cop with his middle finger though. |NYP|
Not surprisingly, the street art scavenger who swiped FAILE’s first prayer wheel in Williamsburg still hasn’t found a buyer. After whining weeks ago about people only making lowball offers, the anonymous seller, ifoundfaile, is still complaining that nobody is throwing cash at him for the unauthenticated FAILE sculpture of questionable value. Read more »
Pro skater and American hero Tony Hawk is defending his historic White House ride on network TV, then going out to fulfill a kid’s dying wish. Take that, haters: “doing an interview with Inside Edition about the Skate Heard ‘Round The World and then skating for Jemarkus, here courtesy of Make A Wish.” |Twitter|
This week, this biggest worldwide concentration of douchebags is located on the Côte d’Azur of France at the Cannes Advertising Festival. It’s our sycophantic industry’s biggest self-fellating event. But thanks to the economic downturn, plus the discovery that some winning ads from recent festivals were fakes (tres horrible!) that never ran, this year’s show has lost a bit of lustre. Still, I’ve scrolled through scores of early winning entries to find my favorite so far. As we’ve said often here on ANIMAL, we strongly condemn the rampant Photoshop abuse of animals in ads. But we couldn’t help but chuckle at these Gold Lion winners for Fiat (the panda one is precious). Not only does this campaign unexpectedly and memorably relay the low CO2 emission selling point, it also (misleadingly?) implies that little Fiats are crash-test safe. Brilliant. |Images: coloribus|
What’s the best way to catch someone who’s splashing paint on your legal graffiti murals? You could always hire some stealthy papparazi to stake out your walls or you could pull a police manual tactic and post a reward for information. REVOK of MSK is offering “100 cans for real info as to the identity of the cowardly bitches dissing our walls anonymously around LA.” |Known Gallery|
So that whole stereotype about Australians being hardcore and stuff? Totally true. A surfer that lost his hand in a shark attack in February has returned to the water and enjoyed it. |TimesOnline|
The cash strapped MTA sold naming rights for one of Brooklyn’s busiest subway stations to Barclays. If the deal is approved today, the London-based bank will pay $200k a year for 20 years so that subway riders and conductors can stumble over some unwieldy name like Atlantic Avenue – Pacific Street – Barclays Center station. |NYT|
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice filmed some new driving scenes in Manhattan last night. Surprisingly the Nicholas Cage-starring movie managed to pull off the shots without crashing stunt vehicles into innocent bystanders or getting hit by out of control drivers themselves. |New Yorkology|
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