Levi Johnston to Go Full Dong in Playgirl Spread

On Saturday, while I was in a bar watching a football game of all places, a friend casually mentioned to me that his boyfriend (Yes, I watch football with a gay male friend…so New York, no?) had a friend who is in some way involved with the Levi Johnston Playgirl shoot, and that this friend said that the magazine had upped its initial financial offer to Johnston (I’m told they offered $150k for dick pics) in order to persuade him to go full-frontal nude for the spread, and that Johnston had accepted the offer. I sent out a couple of emails seeking confirmation on this, but the New York Post today seems to have confirmed it for me: the father of Sarah Palin’s grandchild will soon be showing off his own Alaskan pipeline in the pages of Playgirl. Read more »

Hugo Chavez Asks Venezuelans To Stop Singing In the Shower

“Some people sing in the shower, in the shower half an hour. No kids, three minutes is more than enough. I’ve counted, three minutes, and I don’t stink,” said Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez last week. The oil rich country is apparently having a hard time supplying enough electricity and water to the people, prompting the call for conservation. He also reportedly discussed “using airplanes to try to force rain from clouds.” And in other randomly-related news, actress and sometimes political activist Alyssa Milano really appreciates this Twitter vs. Chavez illustration and tweeted it up. |ABS-CBN|

Good Scents Promote Good Behavior Says Study

No wonder people hate the homeless, they smell bad and that’s a huge turnoff. It’s also scientifically proven. According to a soon to be released study, “People are unconsciously fairer and more generous when they are in clean-smelling environments.” Researchers found that people were more willing to volunteer and act in good faith when their surroundings smelled good. What was the aromatic trigger for morality? Citrus-scented Windex naturally. Douse the city now! |ScienceDaily|

Snickers Launches Mr. T-CTV in England

Moving on from literally bashing (perceived) gay men, Snickers has reloaded and relaunched the catch phrase-spouting A-Team member. This time, he’s sequestered in a video surveillance room, where he doles out verbal comeuppances to “walkin’ talkin’ jokes who call themselves ‘blokes,’” including a “punk” with his jeans slung too low. At the Get Some Nuts site (where you have to say you’re 12 to enter), you can upload videos and pics of you or your friends being a fool. The biggest fool will win £1,000. I find this humor to be as tired as Mr. T’s schtick. But maybe the low-brow idiocy will make the Brits chortle, if not buy candy bars. Also, interesting creative choice by Snickers and their agency ABV BBDO, considering the invasiveness of the UK’s actual surveillance network. Anyway, jump for three short spots. Read more »

Brewing Ray’s Pizza Legal War Means That Someone Will Likely Be Whacked Soon

For as long as the mob has been operating within the United States, it has used pizza joints, butcher shops, cafes, etc. as front business for their illegal endeavors. I know this because I’ve watched every episode of The Sopranos. So I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Ray’s Pizza on Prince Street, the very first of the city’s 8 million Ray’s Pizza joints, was a longtime front for mobster Ralph Cuomo’s billion-dollar heroin trafficking enterprise, and since he died last year there’s been a whole bunch of fighting over who gets control of the restaurant. Now, one of the parties involved is breaking with mob oath and taking a disagreement into the court system. This cannot end well. Read more »

Diddy, an Apparent Ass-Man, Went to Brazil, Saw Some Glorious Asses

Judging by the activity on his Twitter account over the weekend, America’s hip-hop prince visited South America, where the asses flow like wine. Or, in the words of Diddy, it’s a damn “ASS suniami” over there.

I need to go to Brazil obviously.