Poor little Zachary Christie. Recently the six year-old took his shiny new Cub Scout fork/spoon/knife combo tool to his school in Delaware, only to have it confiscated by school officials who determined it to be a “weapon.” Zachary is now being home-schooled (Oh the humanity!) while he and his parents attempt to overturn an unfavorable ruling against him by the school’s disciplinary committee. Don’t these people realize that any child named Zachary Christie probably needs to carry a weapon to school in order to protect himself from getting his ass whipped daily?

Reports the New York Times:

“Zachary wears a suit and tie some days to school by his own choice because he takes school so seriously,” said Debbie Christie, Zachary’s mother, who started a Web site, helpzachary.com, in hopes of recruiting supporters to pressure the local school board at its next open meeting on Tuesday. “He is not some sort of threat to his classmates.”

Still, some school administrators argue that it is difficult to distinguish innocent pranks and mistakes from more serious threats, and that the policies must be strict to protect students.

“There is no parent who wants to get a phone call where they hear that their child no longer has two good seeing eyes because there was a scuffle and someone pulled out a knife,” said George Evans, the president of the Christina district’s school board. He defended the decision, but added that the board might adjust the rules when it comes to younger children like Zachary.

Then again, seeing that young Zachary is the son of apparent “my kid is perfect” zealots who willingly wears suits to school, he’ll probably turn out to be a serial killer, so maybe the school’s onto something here.