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Tonight Sarah Palin, she of the folksy twang and fertile vagina lusted for by all of God’s children, otherwise known as “conservatives,” will deliver an address to some group of mouth-breathing Wisconsin people who hate abortions and the spawn of Satan who have/perform them. In the course of her address, these aforementioned mouth-breathing Wisconsinites will surely want to put down their fried cheese curds and corn nuts, albeit only for a brief moment, to snap a photograph of their beloved warrior princess and intellectual titan, but the self-proclaimed “real American” and defender of “main street family values” has forbidden all photographic/video/audio equipment from the room out of fear that Levi Johnston will jerk off to the resulting image(s), spraying his mighty sperm high into the brisk Alaskan air, which will carry the cock-gangsta’s seed across snow-capped mountains and mounds of frozen moose dung and deposit it straight into the pouty vaginas of Palin’s daughters, knocking at least one of them up, again. And that would just be too tragic, wouldn’t it? |CNN|