Once upon a time, during some rather prolonged, intense sexing with Jack London in Heaven, God queefed and the resulting blast of holy vaginal wind birthed the shitty Alaskan wonderland that is Wasilla, which would, not coincidentally, later give birth to America’s shining beacon of virtue, common sense and family values perfection, Sarah Palin. Now, perfection doesn’t come easily, so Sarah gets her hair did at Wasilla’s Beehive Beauty Shop, which is run by Jessica Steele, a fantastically delusional but feisty supporter of her most famous client.
Steele maintains a Twitter account devoted almost entirely to Palin worship, and since Sarah’s been absent from Twitter for a couple of months now, thus leaving us devoid of her special brand of Alaskan wingnut tweet lunacy, Steele’s Twitter page has been forced to fill that gaping void in all of our lives, and over the weekend she expressed outrage over Pam Anderson’s admiration for the First Lady:
Now, right-wingers taking issue with the politics of Barack and Michelle Obama is one thing, but is there really anything to take issue with about the their family life? I mean, come the fuck on! Nevertheless, soon after questioning Pam Anderson’s assessment of the First Family, Steele used her Twitter to link to a hilariously retarded article making the argument that Sarah Palin is the most perfect human equipped with a vagina to ever walk the earth. Here’s an excerpt:
Aside from her natural beauty, she exudes total confidence in a dignified but somewhat humble manner. She stands for all of the right principles in life and is not afraid of a good fight. She has chosen a ruggedly handsome husband who stands with her in her beliefs, while never losing his own direction. He does not seem at all threatened by her calling of leadership; on the contrary, he is part of the leadership and she would not have it any other way. Without ever having met her, I easily recognize her total love for her family. She makes mistakes and owns them and does not go into denial about what just happened. She moves onto the next thing because life is made up of so many little good and bad things that to dwell on any one could stop her on her path.
Isn’t amazing how Palin’s supporters seem to view her through some sort of bizarro prism that somehow contorts her into the direct opposite of what she is in, you know, REALITY?!
Anyway, it’s hard not to miss Sarah Palin on Twitter, but for now I suppose that the firehose of lunacy that is Jessica Steele’s Twiter will have to suffice. But come back to us Sarah…PLEASE!
Jessica Steele/Beehive photo via NY Times