Oh my! The new issue of GQ features a great profile of Mad Men‘s January Jones, accompanied by some smoldering shots of the actress who plays disillusioned housewife Betty Draper taken by Terry Richardson. In the interview Jones expresses her love for drinking, football and Chili’s skillet queso dip (Just like me!), and tells how ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher, ASHTON FUCKING KUTCHER, often tried to dissuade her from acting because he thought she sucked. Asshole!

GQ‘s Mark Kirby got to hang with Jones for the profile (Asshole!). Below are a few of the highlights from the piece.

On JJ’s love of Chili’s, even in airports:

January wants to go to the Chili’s near the H Gates. She loves the queso there. Loves it even though it doesn’t always come in one of those little cast-iron skillets like at regular Chili’s and they don’t have a “red beer” (beer and tomato juice) here like she’s seen at the franchise’s other midwestern outlets. It doesn’t matter that the place is noisy and crowded and the only TV is tucked way up behind the bar and she probably won’t be able to catch the last preseason Bears game. The queso’s that good.

On JJ’s love for football:

She curls deep into the corner of our booth, and we talk aimlessly, first about football (“My screen saver is a photo of me with Peyton and Eli at the Kentucky Derby”) and then about the constant ups and downs of her career.

On JJ’s ex-boyfriend being an unsupportive twat:

“The guy I was dating when I first got to L.A. was not supportive of my acting,” she says. “He was like, I don’t think you’re going to be good at this. So—fuck you! He only has nice things to say now—if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can’t do something, that’s when I’m most motivated.”

By the time she’s telling me this, we’ve finished our beers and queso and are sitting in our seats for Los Angeles, and I’m too occupied with figuring out who the “guy I was dating” is to take this story as it should be taken: as a warning. Because by now, January has already finished her first in-flight drink and is giving me a hard time for being slow on mine. It’s clear that she’s taking the notion of having fun on her “vacation” very seriously; it’s up to me to keep pace. Shouldn’t be a problem, I think. She’s so small—give her another beer or two and she’ll be asleep.

Mistake number one: doing what that skeptical boyfriend (as it turns out, a guy named Ashton Kutcher) did and doubt January Jones. Because she will be so pleased—resolutely, ruthlessly, perhaps a tad too gleefully—to prove your ass wrong.

On JJ’s love life:

Jones has dated her share of high-profile guys (Kutcher, soft-rock crooner Josh Groban), but after the breakup of a several-year relationship earlier this spring, she’s now dating a friend she has known for eight years, a lawyer who lives in Oregon. (“What I want is James Brolin in Amityville Horror, minus the horror. A guy with a beard who can swing an ax.”)

On how JJ plans to dress for Halloween:

We are drunk. Or at least I am. January swears that she’s not really drunk at all, that she’s been known to have a twelve-pack from time to time (liquor doesn’t agree with her), and that once, in high school, she downed twenty-six beers in a single night. (“I threw up a lot. But it was a contest…. I hope this story isn’t only about drinking.”) She’s talking about Halloween now, her favorite holiday, and the time she went to the Playboy Mansion as Michael Jackson.

“It didn’t really go over so well,” she says. “I went all out: mask, gloves, face powdered, everything. And all the rest of the girls were just painted.” This year, she’s planning to dress up as Troy Polamalu. “I’ll get the wig. Put on some bronzer. And I’ll just cross myself all night,” she says, mulling it over. “Or maybe I’ll be Houshmandzadeh.”

You know what, at the risk of sounding extremely petty, I kind of hate Mark Kirby right about now for getting to eat skillet queso at Chili’s AND booze on an airplane with January Jones, whom I’d slay multiple dragons for. Life just seems so unfair at times, doesn’t it?