missy-giove So former mountain bike champion, Melissa Giove, was arrested by the Drug Enforcement Agency in upstate New York with almost 400 pounds of weed, a money counter, and about $1 million in cash. The notorious buzz-killing Feds, jumped on the opportunity to draft one of their signature punny statements in lieu of her stellar downhill cycling career:

“Drug trafficking can lead you downhill fast. From championship mountain biking to street level drug dealing, the only reason people turn to drug trafficking is to make a profit from the sale of illicit narcotics. DEA and our law enforcement partners successfully put the brakes on this drug trafficking organization and put them out of business.”

In addition to the absurdity of calling an operation like this “street level drug dealing,” it’s kind of appalling, that at a time when the country is going broke, more than a dozen “law enforcement partners” and resources would be wasted away on a case of this size, the list seems endless:

The case was investigated by the Capital District Drug Enforcement Task Force; the New York State Police; the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Central District of Illinois; the Quad City Metropolitan Enforcement Group; the Henry County, Ill., State’s Attorney’s office; the DEA Rock Island, Illinois Post of Duty; the DEA Norfolk, Virginia Resident Office; and the Illinois State Police.

Compared to the amount of money that could have been garnered by taxing and regulating this lucrative trade, the Feds basically scored a roll of pennies. |Saratogian|