You know what’s worse than coming home late on a Thursday night to discover that your DVR, for some inexplicable/inexcusable reason, failed to record a new episode of Jersey Shore? I’ll tell you what…coming home late on a Thursday night to discover that your DVR failed to record not one, but TWO new episodes of Jersey Shore. Anyway, I caught the repeats and am now ready to weigh in, so let’s get to it.

- First of all, what’s up with MTV doubling up on the episodes in a single night? Why are you doing this MTV? We want Jersey Shore to last FOREVER, and by doubling up the episodes like that you’re cutting down the length of the season, not to mention causing irreperable damage to all of our brains by forcing us to watch two straight hours of guido madness. C’MON!

-Okay, I have to give it up to The Situation…the girl he was humping with in the hot tub (AGAIN WITH THE HOT TUB!) was kinda cute. She’s obviously a dim-witted, irresponsible little trollop to blow off her first day at work at a new job to sleep with The Situation, but she was kinda cute, and, according to Vinny, he did bang her, which means that he was finally able to close on an ass sale, something he’s been unable to do in past episodes. Now, with that said, is it just me or has dude become more annoying that Sammi and Angelina combined? I mean, he just about completely morphed from sort of endearing to insufferable little bitch in desperate need of an ass-whipping in these two episodes. First he turns on Vinny, who is virtually impossible to hate, because his little sister wants Vinny’s dong, then he’s weaseling around doing his best to break up Sammi and Ronnie, and then, if that weren’t enough, he “pulled a robbery” on Vinnie with that trashbag in AC. Not cool bro, not cool. Too bad J-Woww didn’t knock out a tooth with that sucker punch she landed on him. Better yet, too bad Ronnie hasn’t launched one of his deranged chimpanzee on crack rages on him.

-Um, Vinny, when a girl you’re with is watching another couple do it and she says, “I gotta stop watching because it’s turning me on,” that’s your cue to stick your tongue up her ass. Just saying.

-Just when it looked like Snooki, who remarked at one point Thursday night that she “doesn’t deserve a jerkoff” just weeks after stating that she was wildly attracted to jerkoffs, was going to fall in love at the Jersey shore with Keith the Irish guido farmer (WTF?), she went off to Atlantic City and tried to bang any dude willing to throw her a bone. Weren’t you just overcome with emotion when Farmer Keith gave her a piggyback ride down the boardwalk, leading her to offer up this gem: “I told him to put me down because I’m not trashy. Unless I drink too much.” Classic. Also, extra points to Snooki for getting another mention in about how she’s a vet-tech. “I, like, save animals. That’s what I do.”

-Here is Ronnie comparing Sammi’s vagina to real estate in the course of an argument with The Situation: “I closed that deal a long time ago, bro. I already got the title for that closing. You know what I mean? C’mon, bro.” AWESOME.

-Oh, one more thing about The Situation…there’s something about him that’s been creeping me out about his arms that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but one of the cast members pointed it out for me: his arms are too big for his body. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this before. Like, he’s got the arms of a 6’7” offensive lineman on the body of a 5’8” guido and it just looks fucking retarded. Also, it appears as though they’ve only gotten bigger as the season has gone along. Has he been juicing in the shore house?

- The ever-trashtastic J-Woww’s punch to The Situation’s jaw was arguably the high point on the two episodes, but there were two subtle consequences of this that I found particularly hilarious: the first was the fact that a bunch of “private protective services” goons had to jump on-camera to break the whole thing up. How ridiculous is it that MTV has to employ a private security detail to protect the guidos on the show from themselves and those within their immediate vicinity? Also, did you notice how nonchalant J-Woww’s boyfriend was when she called him on the duck phone to tell him that she punched one of her housemates in the face? It’s like she does that sort of shit every other day or something. Dude was virtually yawning during the call.

- “It’s AC bitch! What happens in AC stays in AC.” Atlantic City is the new Vegas, apparently, according to Snooki. Don’t tell Vegas, lest it puts a gun in its mouth and pulls the trigger.

-Think about this for a second…how fucking fucked up in the head does a girl have to be to be obsessed with making Pauly D her husband? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nevertheless, Pauly D, as is his proclivity, summed up the drama birthed by his t-shirt-making Jewish/Israeli stalker perfectly when he said, “I don’t understand that religion…I just wanna get to the business.”

-Overall, I give both of these episodes a B+, mainly because The Situation’s “Haterade” practical jokes were exceedingly lame. I mean, pickles under a bed and a mayo cocktail? C’mon dude! Do guidos not have any clue what terror one can cause with a tube of Superglue and a bottle of Tabasco sauce? Very disappointing.