And so it comes to an end, which is what they say all good things come to, sadly. Yes, our long, national fit of voyeurism into the realm of guidodom has come to a close, so let’s delve into the events of last night’s show and the reunion special that followed it, shall we?

-Before I go any further, let me just get this thought about the photo above out of the way right now: FUCK YOU MTV! It’s bad enough that we had to watch Snooki and The Situation make out (Seriously, was that not the most awkward, horrible kiss you’ve ever seen?), but to make that moment even more disgusting they laid a sappy Ben Lee track over it or something. Were you trying to be ironic MTV, because there was nothing romantic about that kiss at all. NOTHING. It was the worst. I’d rather watch Susan Boyle fuck Hulk Hogan in the ass with a strap-on than watch Snooki and The Situation making out in that human petri dish of social disease of a hot tub they’re always frolicking in. Gross. Just gross. Even grosser was this line by The Situation: “If you’re hungry, try a Snickers.” Ew.

-For me personally, one of the best parts about last night’s episode was being able to fast forward through the first 15 minutes or so, which dealt almost exclusively with the Ronnie/Sammi/jail drama. I’m over those two in such a big way. Their relationship is the only aspect of the show I’m happy to say “good riddance” to.

-Once past the whole Ronnie/Sammi/jail horseshit, the show unveiled one of it’s finer moments when the recently reserved J-Woww virtually squirted all over the boardwalk when she saw a herd of “gorillas” coming her way: “Oh my God, the gorillas are comin’ out. It’s juicehead central right now. I’m in heaven…I see a bunch of gorilla juiceheads. Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like multiple growth hormones. That’s, like, the type that I’m attracted to.” In a frenzy, she ran back to the house to yank her enthusiastically pro-gorilla partner-in-crime, Snooki, and the two of them hiked it to the beach in a desperate search for human growth hormone goodness. Sadly, their epic quest turned out to be a fruitless one, as I would’ve loved to have seen what would have happened if they brought some gorillas back to the house for The Situation to pop off at. Sigh.

-Almost as funny as J-Woww’s gorilla freakout was The Situation’s attempt to toss cold water on her frothy loins by chiming in with an ironic bit of trend-analysis: “Big is out and lean is in.” This from the man whose freakish arms look as though they were taken from the body of a WWE star and transplanted onto his wee guido frame.

-How ridiculous is it that these tards were living on the beach all summer and waited until the last day to go tan at the beach instead of a tanning salon? I made the “why don’t they just tan at the beach” point a few weeks, so it was nice to see my exasperation addressed by the lady who hosted the reunion show afterwards. Jesus.

-Next to J-Woww’s gorilla frenzy, the best moment in last night’s finale had to be Pauly D’s sentimental reflections of the memories he made at the Jersey Shore with his new boyz. I’m not sure what was better, the quote itself or the look on his face once the realization of how “deep” he just went set in: “This bond that we share brings us together, and nobody can take that away from us, ever. Like, we take that with us for life, that bond…that was deep, that was fucking deep.” GOLD!

-Last night and this morning a few friends and I had an email chain going about the reunion show that aired after the finale. The main discussion was over whether or not the drama between Ronnie and Sammi was staged or not. I contend that it was not, mainly because they’re both not good enough actors to fake it, and also because the whole “let’s show Ronnie some secret footage of his girlfriend flirting with The Situation in bed” is classic MTV sleaze. Poor Ronnie, who apparently is not tanning or juicing up now that he’s got a girlfriend and doesn’t have cameras following him around everywhere, looked as though he was about to launch into one of his patented deranged chimpanzee on crack freakouts and rip someone’s face off. Dude was smoldering. Also, it was hinted at during the reunion that Mike and Snooki are now booty-buddies. Nice.

-Someone who doesn’t watch Jersey Shore asked me last week to describe what Snooki looked like, and I was literally at a loss for words. I didn’t know where to begin, other than to say that she makes my penis recoil in horror. Like, there’s no way I could ever get erect for this girl. Finally, last night, it hit me…she reminds me a bit of Mr. Potato Head, only with a poof in her hair, overly-tanned skin and huge sunglasses. She even walks kind of like a potato with legs. Better put, she wobbles around, which makes her endless funny to look at, but not very attractive, at least not to me. The part of the show last night when she was dancing by herself on the boardwalk in the middle of the day was probably the most hilarious and sad moment in the history of television.

-Did we really need all the mushy crap in the last 20 minutes of the show. That’s perfectly good airtime that could have been used for someone to be punched in the face! C’mon! With that said, I give the finale a C+ overall. The series on the whole was amazing, obviously, but the last episode was a bit of a letdown in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, Jersey Shore will be missed. Long live the guido. It’s been a blast watching and writing about it.