Jersey Shore Cast Members Now Wreaking Havoc in Manhattan’s Upscale, Non-Guido Clubs

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Before they became “celebrities,” Jersey Shore cast members like Snooki, Pauly D and The Situation could never, EVER get into Manhattan’s finest clubs because, let’s face it, they are guido cheesedicks of staggering proportions and the doormen at places like Avenue and 1Oak and Greenhouse get paid well to keep people like them on the outside. Not that it mattered any, since the cast members of Jersey Shore were probably content to party exclusively at places populated by their guido brethren, but now that they’re sort of famous, these freaks are now able to get into places they couldn’t get into before and, naturally, trouble has already ensued. Read more »

As you might have guessed, Hitler is pissed over Scott Brown, the Sarah Palin of Massachusetts, winning Ted Kennedy’s seat last night. These Hitler spoof vids are never not funny. |CBITC|

ROBBO Continues To Mock Banksy

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While Banksy is off at Sundance, a graffiti writer named ROBBO is in London exacting revenge. After successfully reclaiming a 25-year-old piece the millionaire street artist painted over, the old school vandal struck again, this time embellishing one of Banksy’s murals with some perfectly fitting imagery/messages. Compare it to the original below. Read more »

Drones Over Haiti?

Is Evergreen International Aviation, a “CIA-linked private military contractor,” flying a UAV over Haiti? They say no, Aviation week says yes! The Air Force on the other hand, happily admitted to flying a drone over the island nation and snapped this photo of the damaged Presidential Palace, among thousands of others.

Photo: Department of Defense

Texas Moves to Remove All ‘Liberal Bias’ From Textbooks

The Republican-controlled Texas State Board of Education is inching toward mandating that all history textbooks used in public schools be free from “liberal bias,” which means “removing mention of Ted Kennedy and Cesar Chavez from textbooks in favor of new entries on the National Rifle Association and Phyllis Schlafly.” Read more »

Socialist Frenchies Turn Wranglers Into Commie Jeans

I’m not going to say much about the next incantation of the asinine We Are Animals marketing repositioning of Wrangler by Paris philosophers/ad men Fred & Farid, other than—how bloody trailblazing. Because the bombastic buzz bites from the agency press note about the red campaign—which has nothing to do with the Red campaign (to my knowledge)—is chock full of the pretentious malarkey that makes my business utterly suspect to begin with. Read and bleed from your brain with me: Read more »

John Mayer Thinks Tiger Woods Should’ve Been Jerking Off More

The new issue of Rolling Stone features a cover piece on John Mayer who, when not telling the magazine about how he’s on an epic search for the “Joshua Tree of vaginas” to make his life complete, and complaining about how “blowing me off is the new sucking me off,” dispensed advice to Tiger Woods: “If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating.” |Daily Beast|

America Is Totally Down With Medical Weed!

Polls are mostly bullshit, except when they yield results that we agree with, like this one conducted by ABC News/Washington Post. It found that a startling 81% of Americans are now in favor of legalizing cannabis for medicinal purposes. As the Raw Story notes, that “up from 69% in 1997 and 75% in 2003. |Raw Story|

Aftershock Shakes Haiti

At around 6:00AM on Wednesday, a tremor measuring 6.1 on the Richter scale struck Haiti about 35 miles from the capital Port-au-Prince, sending people running into the streets. For those interested in nuances, click here to read the difference between an earthquake and an aftershock.

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New Massachusetts Senator Promptly Pimps Out Daughters

Here is Scott Brown, the male Sarah Palin of Massachusetts and the man elected tonight to take Ted Kennedy’s seat in the Senate, taking time during his victory speech to let the world know that the vaginas of his daughters, one of which was a semi-finalist on American Idol, are both “available.” Levi? Read more »