As a woman, I can confidently say that sex with condoms is almost as bad for us as it is for you (notice I said almost, because I cannot imagine having to cover my vagina in saran wrap as part of the pre-game festivities). What with the ordeal of getting the damn thing on and maintaining interest (for both parties) while you stumble around with it, is enough to forego the protection and say “JUST SLIP IT IN ALREADY.” However, that may not be the wisest decision you have ever made. Have you seen what can happen if you don’t bag it?

Babies: Yes, I have already talked about how much I hate children. However, this is so important I must reiterate. They’re cute and cuddly (when they’re not yours) but they’re also time-consuming, expensive, and will totally decrease your chances of getting laid. Oh, and goodbye gun arsenal and nine-foot-tall beer can fortress. On average, it costs somewhere between $200,000 and $250,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18. That number doesn’t include schooling (private, charter, college, etc.), vacations, suitable transportation (for the family in the beginning, and for them when they are older), and a myriad other costs.

I don’t mean to seem all anti-baby (okay, yes I do), of course there is a right time for everything, and if one so chooses to have a child and begin a family, then great. However, just imagine all of that responsibility coming at you like a 280 pound linebacker if you didn’t want it. Not so great.

Rampant Disease: According to statistics, one in every five Americans have herpes, but only 20% of those that have it KNOW that they do (20%!). Allow me to let that sink in for a second. Not to mention the amount of people that have gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV/AIDS, HPV, etc., etc., etc. At least, one in every four people will contract an STD/STI in their lifetime. The magnitude of that is pretty serious, and unforunately the numbers are always growing. So, if you don’t your nether regions to look like a taquito soaked in milk (NSFW), or–you know–you just want to remain healthy, wear a condom!

I’d also like to add that condoms aren’t 100% fail-proof, as far as sexually transmitted infections go, but they are the most effective route that you can take.

Premature Ejaculation: This doesn’t concern everyone, but let’s face it–not everyone can bring their A-game all of the time. The chances of one achieving orgasm before anyone is welcoming it with open arms, without a condom, is exponentially higher than if you were to use one. It doesn’t sound too appealing, and you would never want to admit to a girl that that’s one of the reasons you wear them (you tell them that it’s because you respect them; might even butter ‘em up enough to butter you up), but it’s true.

So, if these few things haven’t convinced you to become completely celibate for the rest of your years, please consider wearing a condom. If for nothing else, so that your adult life–however you want to define that–isn’t coming up short (ba-zing?) too soon.

Now, off to Planned Parenthood to pick up that Plan B.

Lifestyles pillow and blanket from the appropriately titled 9gag