05_10_10_cover I’m very grateful that my Aryan-as-fuck parents were unable to have children, and were subsequently forced to purchase me; because otherwise yours truly would be knee-deep in a rice paddy and the only English I’d know would be “You want boom boom?” I have no qualms with mixed-breed families, as long as the parents aren’t Asian–because everyone knows they’re terrible people–but maybe I’m biased because I’m an adoptee.

It’s really not even something that I think about, my parents are my parents because they’re the ones who raised me. Sure, I popped out of some other woman’s vagina, but I most assuredly don’t consider her a mother. Besides, I’m sure she’s dead now anyway.

It seems, these days, that adopted colored kids are the new fluorescent Ray-Bans; everyone wants them, and will pay whatever retardedly exorbitant amount it calls for, to get them. Angelina got one (and like with any addiction, couldn’t stop), then Madge picked one up, and soon enough impoverished people reached Birkin status.

Sandra Bullock recently bit the bullet, and adopted a BLACK BABY, and it’s stirring up controversy! You know, because he’s a BLACK BABY and she’s white. It has nothing to do with the fact that she is a little bit crazy and possibly unfit to raise a child, or that she makes movies that are painful to watch. And using the kid as a publicity stunt is only mentioned after the pointing out of the fact that hey! that BABY IS BLACK.

Since 1996 it has been illegal for agencies to consider race as a determining factor, in regards to whether a family is suitable to adopt or not. The law was put into place, in hopes of boosting the adoption rates of black kids, who are rarely represented in the foster care system, but some say that because of this, white people who are not ready to raise a child (mentally or fiscally) are still able to adopt them.

According to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, black adoptees are more apt to exhibit behavioural issues (over adopted Asians or Native Americans), and exhibit more problems than biracial or white adopted persons, or biological children of adoptive parents. Proof that it must just be genetic.

Seriously though, adoptive parents have a lot to consider that biological parents would not. When I was a kid, I was asked why I looked different than my parents more times than the amount of dicks I’ve sucked; and because my mother and father taught me how to approach that subject, I had an informative and concise answer for them. That response, unsurprisingly, did not stop the other kids from making fun of me, at least until they realized that if they tormented me I wouldn’t do their homework for them. Parents who adopt also have to think about when to tell their children they are adopted, and how to handle the possible anger that comes with that knowledge.

Each year, over 200,000 children are adopted in the US, from all over the world. Adoption can cost anywhere from $5,000 to $30,000 and up. There are many qualifications that one must go through, if they’re adopting from a legitimate source, such as interviews, psychological exams, and in-house reviews.

Just because a celebrity is a woman and rich, does that mean that they qualify to raise another human being? Then again, living with a completely insane famous person is still better than living in a one room hovel with fourteen others. Isn’t it?

Clearly the most important thing to think about is, how good is my PR person?