I have zero ad agency friends, except the art director I’ve worked with for 18 years. There’re two reasons for that. One: After hours, I would rather eat cat shit than talk about this stupid business. Two: Ad people—creatives, account execs, marketing people, media experts, digital gurus—are generally cunts. I’m talking about the advertising people who take themselves seriously here. Me, I’m more of an asshole, subjectively speaking. I can’t believe no one’s done this before now, but here they are: The Agency Is A Cunt and The Client Is A Cunt, sites started across the pond. I’ve pulled a couple of my favorite rants from each.


CLIENT (515 rants and counting):
“Blumarten (a music production company). A mushroom sprouting, limpet encrusted, brine frothing collossocunt, with a purple snapping squid beak bleating biblical profanities from the vulva”
“HemmerLloyds TSB. “Create an ad from da pick-char”. Fuck off and die of ‘the Jade Goodey’ (she died of cervical cancer).”

AGENCY (1,950 rants and counting):
“Any ‘creatives’ at any agency – You’re all cunts.  You wouldn’t know a good idea if it flew into your face on the back of a monkey riding a fucking pterodactyl.  CUNTS.”
“Guy Featherstone, 40 year-old with a skateboard in one hand and a spray can in the other! What a top draw cunt. And he lives in Brighton! scared of London you cunt…”

Yes, names are named. I hope Americans start joining the tomfoolery.