One of the least charming things about being a human being, and especially a female one, is going through puberty. For boys, their voices change at the most inopportune times (like when they are recording a hot track), and girls start losing their lifesource from between their legs.

Now, I’m sure that the cracking voice and the inexplicable insta-boners are terrible to deal with, but compare that to blood gushing out of an orifice, and I don’t think there’s much of a contest. Sure, boys, you may have to tie a sweatshirt around your waist to conceal your über boner, but us girls had to do so for completely different reasons.

A day ago, it was reported that girls are now beginning their periods at a younger age than ever before. Just a decade ago, puberty began for the female race between age 12 and 14, whereas many girls are now starting to menstruate and grow breasts as young as seven.

Which begs the question, what are pedophiles going to do? Will they up the ante, by lowering the age bar? Imagine if you were attracted to prepubescent individuals (okay, don’t…), would the fact that you have to start concentrating on even younger girls excite you, or disgust you?

Strangely enough, the government in Malaysia are excited about their girls becoming women, at an early age. Apparently it is a sign of improving nutrition (thank God, for those bovine growth hormones), and a pure soul.

It is said that the onset of precocious puberty could be chalked up to the aforementioned hormones that are pumped into the majority of our meat, and the fact that child obesity is at an all-time high.

Girls who are over 22 pounds overweight have an 80% chance of developing breasts before their ninth birthday. I can only imagine how many scams I could have pulled, if I would have had tits at ten.

Seriously though, this has been an ongoing issue for years, and it seems that it’s not going anywhere. Unfortunately, only those that have the money to spend on eating healthy and purchasing non-hormonal beef, are able to help curb the problem. As for all of those underprivileged fatties in Florida, who are destined to become whores (Jessi Slaughter, I’m looking at you), there is no hope. It’s a vicious cycle of eating food and having sex, the two main staples of life, gone terribly wrong.

If girls are able to pop out babies at the age of five, the legal age should be dropped down to at least 10. Not only would it be beneficial to 4% of the population, I wouldn’t feel so bad about being a member of Butterfly Kisses.