It’s been years since I paid a visit to the former Ruler of the Internet: MySpace. Reigning from 2004 to 2007-ish, the title was quickly stolen by the cooler slutty girl who grew boobs over the summer and put out. But today, MySpace unveiled a fully revamped site and is hoping to regain some of that popularity…and they’re only three or so years too late.

The owner of MySpace, Rupert Murdoch, who has a face like a bag of water-logged beans, bought the property for $580 million in 2005, and ever since has been trying to connect with Generation Y. Using exclusive movies, music, interviews, and specials the company is flailing around trying lure the kids back in.

Since I haven’t been on MySpace for a long time and have never had a Facebook page, I decided to give social networking another chance. Obviously I went with the familiar underdog, and created myself a shiny new account.

Signing up was FREE, as the site kept reminding me, and easy enough to do. First step was to modify my information so I seem far more interesting than I actually am, and second was to slap some edgy photos up, so everyone can see how alternative I am. Third step was to upload a picture of myself, preferably doing something naked, so I get a lot of page views. Unfortunately, MySpace wouldn’t allow me to do that, because its incapable of doing anything right and still doesn’t allow lurid photos. So just pretend that you can see me cleaning out the furnace, in the nude.

For all of you sad sacks that still frequent MySpace (which, at this point is worse than if LinkedIn and OKCupid had a retarded child), add me! We can be part of a new culture that doesn’t care if things work properly, or at all. We cast a blind eye to faults and mismanaged ventures, patiently waiting for our time to shine again.