You are more likely than the menfolk of every other American city to meet the woman of your dreams on New Year’s Eve (that’s tomorrow!). Even more likely than the men of Towson, Maryland, where single women literally grow on trees (like healthy, wholesome fruits!).

Hm, what did you say? You are a gay New York City man? Well, maybe you can meet Ms. Right for your straight male friends! There are so many women in New York City just waiting to fall in love. Plenty of ladies for everybody.

As for the single women of New York: you really should have gone to Los Angeles this year, because that’s where all the single guys are. Why didn’t you plan more carefully? Do you want to die alone or something? Maybe next year you’ll have your shit together and plan better (though I doubt it).