While most famewhores haven’t been elbows-deep in an overweight bank robber, while confined to a six by six concrete box, they have all been held captive and oppressed by the tyranny that is New York City media.
It’s time that we all rise up together to smash the state; united as one collective body, by the sheer fact that we garner attention that isn’t deserved. This is my official decree, directed towards my fellow media prostitutes, to join the cause and fight for our right to get paid thousands of dollars just to show up to a party and get drunk.
If I were to have any self-aggrandizing pair of tits on my side, my first pick would obviously be entrepreneur Julia Allison. With a bio of 703 words, and a sense of humor like an autistic party clown, we already have a connection that goes deeper than working with the same people. Okay, sure, I’ll admit that I once thought NonSociety had something to do with green cards, but that was only until I found Reblogging NonSociety; which is a glorified hate site dedicated to Ms. Allison herself. Anyone that has a website that is arguably more popular than your own, committed to belittling you for every move you make, is a worthwhile addition to the cause. So, what will it be, Julia?
Next up to the plate is Jake Lodwick, the ironic-eye-wear-donning co-founder of Vimeo. It is debatable that Jake earned his notoriety, seeing as he–you know–did some shit. For all intents and purposes, though, let’s just concentrate on his media mongering ways. Also, according to Encyclopedia Dramatica, Jakob has a “homeosexual bone structure to his face,” and being an equal opportunist, and pro-buttsexer, I feel that he is a necessary component.
Thirdly, I’d like to approach Tumblr creator, and “obvious Jew”, David Karp. With him we could pull the race card (don’t try to tell me it’s not a race), and be seen tromping down fifth avenue belligerently screaming the N-word.
It’s quite apparent that we wouldn’t have a fighting chance at single-handedly turning the media moguls on their ass, if female-impersonator and author Tila Tequila didn’t join the cause. With her fake breasts and wonky face, she could scare our opponents into giving us our dues. Plus, it seems that Tila has a posse and is always packing heat, which is much needed, seeing as the male recruits certainly won’t be. So, TT, after you’re through popping out your brother’s baby, please consider my offer.
Fellow blogging bitches, if interested, I’m sure I could procure a few grams of coke and a personal rickshaw. Do we have a deal?