Some 67-year-old guy in Detroit went to the Burger King and received a deadly punch from an employee, instead of the pleasurable dining experience he was expecting.

“Police tell WJBK-TV the punch resulted from an argument between the two men Thursday night at a Burger King on the city’s east side [of Detroit],” reports Fox News. “Police say the punch may have caused the elderly man to choke on his dentures. The unidentified victim died at a hospital.” (Tip: Before punching somebody, ask them if they have dentures. If they say yes, ask them to kindly remove their dentures to avoid this outcome.)

Meanwhile, in Chicago a woman is suing McDonald’s based on a claim that a drive-thru employee spit in her face after turning down her request for a 4 a.m. cheeseburger. The lady only wanted to exercise her rights as an American to receive burgers on demand, and instead of top-notch service she gets a saliva spritzer. Now she is exercising her rights as an American to receive $300,000 in damages related to the incident. Somehow getting spat on is $225,000 worse than being permanently disfigured by a fallen McDonald’s toilet paper holder.

It’s always been true that when you visit a burger chain you are taking your life into your own hands, because fast food is haunted (except for McDonald’s sundaes–those are good). Now you have spit and punches to worry about. Isn’t it time you stop visiting these places and start dining at safer restaurants? You never hear about anyone getting punched at Bennigan’s. (Photo by Razor512)