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Feminists: The Uglier, Less Successful Brother of Dov Charney

03.01.10 Kari Ferrell

aaundiesIt seems that there are some women who are a little upset with Dov Charney; not because he masturbated not-so-surreptitiously while a well-known photographer was taking shots of them with gold lamé knee socks tied around their throats, experimenting in autoerotic asphyxiation, but because he dared to have a Best Bottom competition. Apparently, said women would rather other females keep covered up, perhaps with a burka. I don’t really see what the outrage is, but then again I rarely understand what feminists are talking about. Whenever they open their mouths my brain automatically shuts off all auditory functions to spare me the subsequent “no care ever” aneurysm. Really, though, what’s the big deal, femmies?

I highly doubt that any of the women who submitted ass photos were forced to do so. Their significant others (see, I didn’t even say “boyfriends”) may have encouraged them to enter the contest, but so what? Isn’t that what you want the men in our lives to do? To compliment and appreciate our bodies for what they are? Maybe it just so happened that all of those girls had bangin’ booties, just asking for a good slap.

I read my fair share of Bust Magazine, and like it even! I believe, adamantly, that abortion should be legalized. I love Babeland! I totally, and completely, support a woman’s right to be double-teamed in a pornographic film, for my masturbating pleasure, complete with mascara running down her soft face. I am not down with inequality, but give me a fucking break. You’re going to get all riled up because some guy with a chimo ‘stache asked people (as far as I know, it was an open call to all genders) to send in snapshots of their donks? Don’t you think that there are more important platforms and issues that you could be supporting/protesting right now?

Feminists claim that they’re promoting the sexualization and objectification of women, but have you seen American Apparel’s ads lately? All of the girls look like they’re coming off of 17 week long benders, full of semen (you know, in the bad way), and forced ironic sass. In other words, they look beat. If anything, the other AA should have an issue with the advertisements, seeing as when you consume massive quantities of liquor, you could wake up to people who think they look good like this.

P.S.- Yo, Dov! I want to be the next ad disaster. I’ll even let you shoot it on my deep-vee-less bosom. Get at me.