As the Post and many other media outlets have reported, New York has finally become a no-fault divorce state, like all the other states in America. Hooray! Everyone should get divorced now, just to see what it’s like.
“No-fault” means that couples can split up more easily than before the new law took effect, because now they don’t have to show that one party was acting like a “fucking dick” or “psycho whatever.” Under the old “fault” divorce rules, one spouse had to show that the other was abusive, unfaithful, mean, or some other terribleness. An alternative to proving fault was to separate for a year before requesting a divorce, but that is a long time to be married to someone who sucks.
Now you can tell the judge, “I’m bored,” or “Carl Paladino brainwashed me into pursuing the gay lifestyle,” and the court will grant you a divorce like that, bam, here’s your complimentary lollipop, you and your ex go follow those divergent life paths (you, to Red Lobster with your new love; your spouse, to their home, where they will cry into a pillow, heartbroken about losing you forever).
Did you celebrate the change in the law by filing for divorce? The Post predicted that “many New York couples” would be “rushing down the aisle … in divorce court.” Apparently, they heard that you’ve all been driving each other crazy out there:
“A lot of my clients . . . want to file tomorrow,” divorce lawyer Suzanne Kimberly Bracker said yesterday. “They’ve been suffering in dead marriages but never wanted to go through a contested-divorce process.”
But in a follow-up “shocker,” the Post reports that, well what do you know, not so many people were eager to rush down that aisle after all. At least not in New York City, anyway: In Manhattan, only four couples filed, and just two in the Bronx. Maybe New Yorkers are just too lazy to get divorced.
For their follow-up, the Post called up their friend Attorney Bracker again, because she’s the only divorce lawyer in town. Bracker alluded to a frightening new worry for husbands, the “breakfast break-up”:
[No-fault divorce freedom is] also going to take some people by surprise — she said she got phone calls from two men yesterday whose wives had told them at breakfast that they were divorcing them, and she predicted more would be coming soon.
Free marriage advice: Husbands, put down those damned newspapers and talk to your wives! It will cut down your chances of getting E-Z divorced.