Photo 14 All of the Academy Award hustle and bustle really got me thinking about one thing: homosexuals. Which subsequently lead me to watch a grainy video of “Defying Gravity” and to dwell on the fact that I have yet to experience anal sex.

You hear so many good things about it, and I highly doubt that one would force a bottle of Colt 45 up there, if it weren’t pleasurable. I mean, there’s no way that people in the porn industry are bribed to do unsavory things for money, just so some dude in his parent’s basement can bust it to a video of a prolapsed uterus while “Every Morning” plays quietly in the background. There is absolutely no way.

Seriously, though, what is it about buttsex that is so intriguing? Is it the “taboo” of it all, and when millions of people do it on the regular, when does it stop being considered as such? I don’t really understand why it’s seen as abnormal; all holes should be up for grabs, right? Some people are opposed because, “dude, have you seen what comes out of an anus?”, but way worse things than shit come out of a vagina, like, oh, BABIES.

So, for the sake of sub-par journalism (and that’s being generous), I am going to cross anal sex off the bucket list, and document. Now if I could only find someone that would want to get all Philadelphia on my ass. Takers?