iPad: Just Bluth My Mind

04.06.10 Kari Ferrell

rsz_1img_0316I’m sure that by now the majority of you are sick of hearing about the iPad, but that’s just because you don’t have one yet. Some reviews are calling it “magical,” due to the apps that were created for it, while others are saying that it’s a “major disappointment,” but I don’t really care about any of that shit. All I want to know is, can I watch porn on it better than I can watch porn on my iPhone to ensure uncomfortable encounters on the subway?

Unsurprisingly, there is already iPad porn, complete with categories like Gang Bang Junkies and Insane Cock Brothas. Surely I’m not stupid enough to pay $24.95 a month for porn, when I can just find it elsewhere for free, right? Well, not if the site uses Flash, you can’t. Thankfully there are sites like PornHub that are supported by something else that’s not Flash (I know I’m Asian, but I don’t know everything about computers). As far as the iPad not supporting Flash, Ste-Jo made an official statement saying that “Apple does not support Flash because it is so buggy.”

The iPad’s sales are clearly driven by people’s desperate attempts at proving their social status, which is exactly why I clamored to get one. There has yet to be a rap video of an iPad encased in diamonds, strung around someone’s neck, but I don’t doubt that will come in time.

So, in conclusion, not only can I watch pretty decent videos of a non-English speaking babe taking it knees-deep on the Pad, but I can also watch EVERY EPISODE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT via NetFlix. EVERY EPISODE. The guy in the $5,000 suit says the $500 iPad is totally worth it. COME ON!