Every day hundreds of children have their genitals mutilated, undergoing unspeakable horrors, things we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies, all because of the Jews. Circumcision is just another prime example of the Chosen People’s stronghold on America.

To be fair, male circumcision dates back to somewhere around 2345 BC, and was performed as a rite of passage, in ancient Egypt. Meaning that completely coherent boys were subjected to having parts of their penis shanked off, and then forced to carry that memory with them forever.

For a long time, it seemed as if there was no real benefit of circumcision, but it turns out that there is. Recent studies have come to show that those who are circumcised have a significantly smaller chance of contracting vaginal-penile-related HIV, than those intact. I still can’t really wrap my head around how they performed this study, but that’s neither here nor there. Besides the HIV thing, and the reduction of schmear, there’s not much else going for circumcision.

Back in the day being circumcised was the norm, and your Shar Pei penis may have even been looked down upon. Now, close to 50% of Americans are refraining from pseudo-neutering their sons, and less than 10% are being circumcised in other countries like Australia.

As with any topic, there is always a double standard. Female circumcision is more commonly referred to as female genital mutilation, and is illegal in the US for anyone under 18 years of age. There are many differing issues regarding female circumcision and male circumcision, but the fact remains that you’re hacking away at their sensitive bits, without anesthesia.

Though most circumcisions go on without a hitch, there have been numerous cases of botched surgeries. Many stories seem to be straight out of a Lars Von Trier film.

Whether or not you believe circumcision is right or wrong, it seems pretty silly that there is such grand debate over a mostly cosmetic surgery performed on a newborn baby. Plus, there’s always the possibility that even if you choose not to, it will be done anyway. Then all you have to do is legally change your son’s name to Cash Cow.