A British lady has valuable advice for females who can’t make magic happen with the males. “My first tip would be to wear a hat,” she says. “I’ve worn a bowler hat and the effect is extraordinary.” Bowler hats are like breasts for your head!

No joke. “When I walk down the street dressed ­normally, nothing happens. If I walk down the street in a bowler, a man will say at least five times a day: ‘Nice hat!’ — which I read as a more acceptable way of saying: ‘Nice breasts!,’” writes Deborah Frances-White for the UK Daily Mail. It can’t be just any hat, though–it has to have pizazz. And don’t wear a top hat at the supermarket, because nobody shops for food wearing a top hat. You didn’t know this already!

Unfortunately, you have to do other things to really “git those guyz,” like wear off-the-shoulder tops that don’t fall down but almost fall down. She doesn’t provide any sure-fire top management solutions, so here’s where I come in: staple the shirt to your bra to make sure it doesn’t slide the full way down your front. If your stapler is broken, use masking tape.

Also, “stroke yourself when you talk to a man.” She thinks you should touch your chest, but I think you should either pet your nose or lightly punch yourself in the stomach or mouth over and over again. Whatever you do, though, don’t move your head! Moving your head is what ugly girls do. But keeping your head still is “sexy as hell.”

OK, try these steps out and see how many men you catch the next time you leave your house. Let us know how it goes, and if we have to write a follow-up post/marriage announcement for you. (Photo: sundaykofax/flickr)