iphoneI want to blow Steve Jobs as much as the next guy, okay? I make all of my calls on an iPhone, and my literary brilliance is all typed out on a MacBook, or the desktop iMac in the front room. Today, as I’m sure you know, the iPhone 4 was released to the general population, and everyone is going batshit insane over it.

Everyone–that is–besides level-headed, sane individuals who realize that first generation anything is just not worth it. I mean, look at your oldest sibling. See what I mean?

Not only are people waiting in line for days upon end, they’re doing so in the digital age. You know what that means? That means that you have to be an attention-hungry whore to wait in line, when you could easily have pre-ordered one off of Apple’s website. Word on the street is that AT&T will also have the phones, in store, on the 29th. The fact that you couldn’t wait five days, and had to have it now, leads me to believe that something unfortunate happened when you were a child, and now as an adult, you must have everything before anyone else. If that’s the case, I hope that you’re at least billing your uncle.

Not only are people clamoring for a fucking telephone, they’re clamoring for a defective (in some cases) telephone. In the past few hours, 19 or so Gizmodo readers have written in to say that they’re having major issues with their screens. Considering that Gizmodo only has 26 followers, what does that tell you?

Rumor has it that the updated (see: new and improved from all of the complaints received from the original) iPhone 4 will come out sometime next year, and the way they’ve been churning out these things like a Mormon housewife, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case. At this point, I think it’s safe to say that we can expect a new Apple product every six hours, or so.

For once, I’m happy to be visiting Salt Lake, where the people who care about and can afford this sort of thing are limited. No lines! Now, can anyone loan me a few hundred bucks? I swear I’ll pay you back.