Dr. Laura is a woman and a Jew, so therefore has a lot to complain about. She appreciates the finer things in life, like a Utopian society filled with Aryans (and a select number of Dominicans, who will do her bidding). Laura Schlessinger also likes to make all of this very apparent, with her commonplace quasi-coherent racist rants. Someone needs to give this lady her own talk show!

On Tuesday, Dr. Laura went on a respect-lynching tirade; claiming that she has as much of a right to call someone a “nigger” as a black man. Did I mention that she was talking to a well-spoken, tactful black woman? Did I also mention that Laura went out of her way to say the dreaded word over ten times?

Sure, it’s just a fucking word, and everyone knows that. However, when you’re a somewhat respected public figure, you may want to keep your penchant for spewing slanderous shit in groups of three a secret.

One of the better parts of the conversation is where Dr. Laura says, “If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing.” Calling it “affectionate” may be a bit of a misnomer, because I can’t recall the last time I saw a black mother holding her black child, while cooing, “You’re my little nigger, yes you are.” Seems to be in the same vein as “dude” or “asshole,” not “sweetheart.”


There is also a point in the conversation where Laura refutes the caller (after she expresses that she was taken aback by Schlessinger’s use of the word), and says, “Oh, then I guess you don’t watch HBO or listen to any black comedians.” It’s almost as if she doesn’t see the irony in all of this. Generally, every popular comedian who makes it onto Heeb Box Office, and says “nigga” is saying it in a satirical manner and without the hard-edged “er”-ending, which does make a difference. Even they know better.

After arguing about how Obama was elected, Laura further offends her caller by telling her that she’s being a pussy; stating that she has “too much sensitivity” and “not enough sense of humor.”

Schlessinger goes on to say that to marry out of your race is only acceptable if you can handle the heat (see: blatant racism). In this day and age you should know, if you are going to be in an interracial relationship you won’t be tolerated, and your mutt-babies will be pulled behind a Ford F-150 covered with American flag decals.

It’s true, some people seem more entitled to say certain words, whereas others are not. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is. I’m sure you, Laura, wouldn’t appreciate someone, even an old Jewish friend, beginning a conversation with, “Oh hey, you old himey!”

Occasionally things like this need to happen, so lessons can be learned. For example, I had to find out the hard way, that it was in bad taste to refer to a Mexican person as a “spic,” and that they much preferred “cleaning lady” or “taco jockey.”

Hopefully Dr. L can continue on with her insincere apologies, and shove her pride up her gigantic Jew beak.