Contrary to popular myth, the man with the world’s largest penis isn’t a black porn star named “Mandingo.” No, that enviable distinction goes to Jonah Falcon, a bi-sexual 39-year-old Jewish actor/screenwriter/video game blogger from New York who is now unemployed and living with his mother. God apparently does have a sick sense of humor.

A 90s HBO documentary measured Falcon’s dong at 13.5 inches, supposedly the “the longest ever recorded on film,” but who keeps track of such things? Regardless, Falcon gave an interview recently in which he lamented the fact that he can’t find a job. Understandably, he has a sad over it. He was hoping to get an acting gig on Hung, the HBO show about a male prostitute with a massive member, but the show’s producers have thus far shunned him. But perhaps what’s most telling about Falcon’s lack of employment is not so much what he wants to do, but what he refuses to do.

One question Falcon always gets: Why not do a porn movie? If you’ve been blessed with a physical attribute, why not cash in on it?

It’s not like he’s shy or hasn’t shown off in public – multiple times.

The answer is simple: “I don’t do porn,” he says. “If I did porn nobody would take me seriously. Nobody.

“Besides, having sex on a crowded movie set really isn’t my idea of fun.”

Of course, as a guy looking for work, he does add this tidbit: “I wouldn’t be opposed to doing a nude scene if I got the right part. It would just have to be a legitimate movie, with a real part for me in it.”

Wait, WHAT? Dude has been bestowed with a dong that resembles a baby’s arm and he refuses to do porn? He wants to be an actor mind you, but he refuses to do porn? Wouldn’t that be kind of like Brett Favre insisting on playing linebacker instead of quarterback when he’s been blessed with a cannon of a right arm? Jesus Jonah, you should be cashing in on the flesh-serpent hanging between your legs man! God/the universe gives a select few rare and highly sought-after gifts, and to receive such a gift and then refuse to use it to your advantage is like a crime against nature or something. I’m sorry, but all sympathy for your cause is now lost, at least on me.

If you’re interested, here is Jonah Falcon explaining his horrible dilemma…