Since earlier this year I have been given the grand opportunity of boring you with my words and tits; and fortunately for you, my adventure here has come to an end. Unlike that hilarious April Fool’s prank where I convinced many of you I was done, this is fo’ real.

Keeping it short and sweet, I would just like to say that I appreciate all of you dear readers, and even more so appreciate the naysayers. You made my writing much more enjoyable (for me, at least), and for that I will be forever grateful.

For the few of you that made it this far and aren’t rejoicing wildly, and are—for some inane reason—interested as to why the ANIMAL and I are parting, it’s because I’m realizing the naysayers have been right for all this time: my writing sucks. I have decided to take some time off to concentrate on really understanding what “quality over quantity” means. Maybe I’ll take those classes that Mediabistro is always yammering on about, or maybe I’ll realize there is no hope for me, and just quit doing it outright.

Whatever the case, I hope that this is not the last time I appear on the site, as that would mean that I truly am obsolete. So whether you next see me authoring a post or appearing in one (talking about how my body was found underneath the Manhattan Bridge with a double-sided dildo sticking out of my mouth), I look forward to it.

Also, if my rambling in 140 characters is more your style, follow me on Twitter @hotdoghandjobs