Meet Gregor: DirecTV’s current ad caricature of a New Russian – a non-“ethnic” tycoon version of Borat. He proclaims, “Opulence – I has it!” It’s funny because it’s true.

Capitalism over there is a giant, malformed, inconsistent, bulbous monster. The Russian nouveau riche take opulence to Vatican levels. It’s not just the billions, it’s the tackiness.

They see nothing wrong with turning a naval memorial museum into a frat party boat with ballerinas and drunken fireworks. Miss Russia just toted about a $60,000 jeweled fur dress and Czar cap combo in Vegas. And the gilded palace in the ad? Not that far off. This is a real person (more photos), and he’s looking for love.

“Over-dependent idiots whose discussions, advice, and questions no one wants here,” “those who act like they’re the last ass on the planet” and “people with non-traditional orientations” need not apply.

Gregor is indeed this culture’s most flattering parody, so it’s hard to be offended. See, despite “the best” and his all gold everything, Gregor says: “but I also likes savings the money.” Which is something real Russia can learn from.

Russia’s current vanity project is the 2014 Olympic road to Sochi that will cost $8 billion for 30 miles which, for the same budget as calculated by Russian Esquire might as well have been surfaced with…

2.5 inches of oysters
3.5 inches of Louis Vuitton handbags
5.5 inches of Henny or
8.6 inches of foie gras (see all it to scale here)

Let’s conclude this discussion the only way we can. My LOLCAT lexicon is lacking, so… Here are two thingies. You pick the best way for killing meme softly with this post…