Kari_Lede (by ANIMALNewYork)

Today is Earth Day, and instead of telling you how to effectively punch Mother Nature in the face, I’m going to tell you how you can improve your health, subsequently improving the health of the whole world. Here it is: Consume less sugar. It should be easy for you now anyway, considering that everything you love will soon hold an additional tax.

New York City health commissioner, Thomas Farley, states that taxing sucrose could be the biggest benefaction to public health since tobacco taxes. Seeing as everyone I know that lives in New York smokes, I’m assuming that by “public health” he means “the economy.” Considering that over a milli still light up, and a pack of cigarettes is roughly nine bucks, I’d say he’s right.

In the event that they do tax all “non-diet sodas” (what does that even mean?), the state could raise close to 400 million a year, and obesity could be cut by probably nothing, since you know everyone would just shell out the extra scrilla necessary anyway. If you smoke, you can easily supplement your addiction with sunflower seeds or pornography, but what can replace sugar in a satisfactory manner? I don’t even think JOMG (NSFW) would suffice.


Whatever though, I don’t really care. I just wanted a good excuse to take my shirt off and do a line.

Photos taken by Elliot Ensor