PUTIN

Behold, Russian Prime Minister Putin singing Blioo-be-ree Hill at a fancy shin-ding in St. Petersburg. It’s mesmerizing. Like a python eating. And singing Blueberry Hill.

Outfitted with imported celebrities, this was a fundraiser for… let’s guess, based on the big banner… genetic engineering of translucent children. After clanking out the intro notes, Putin took center stage with dutifully emotive vocal stylings. Sharon Stone was in ecstasy. Let’s just be grateful he had his shirt on this time, ’cause the cougar looked just about to POUNCE.