One of the undeniable truths about life in New York City is that because we all live within close proximity of one another, we all have to let go of certain aspects of our privacy. In such, it’s not uncommon for your neighbors to hear and maybe even see you fucking, just as you may hear and see them fucking. Don’t like it? Leave! Everyone knows this. But thankfully, some organization conducted a study to affirm this.
The aforementioned study, which was conducted by Brick Underground, found that the majority of the city’s residents can hear their neighbors banging, but few ever complain about, probably because they’re jerking off to it!
“What this shows is if you live in New York City, you don’t need to worry about keeping quiet in bed on Valentine’s Day, because the chances are slim that someone is going to complain,” said Teri Karush Rogers, BrickUnderground’s founder.
“On the other hand, the morning-after elevator ride could be awkward.”
HAHAHA, get it?! “The morning-after elevator ride might be awkward.” BA-DA-BOOM.
Anyway, the one humorous thing about the report on this study in the Post are the quotes from local residents about how they react to hearing neighbor-boinking.
“It’s like a train wreck — you have to stop what you’re doing and listen, even if it’s awful,” Melissa Buck, 29, of the Upper East Side, told The Post.
“A friend and I were cooking dinner at 6:30, while it was still light out, and we heard the neighbors. Why can you always hear the girl? It lasted probably 10 minutes, and we had to stop cooking and listen.”
Like many of those surveyed, Leslie Vandike, 30, of East New York, Brooklyn, said the best way to get neighbors to lower the volume is to egg them on.
“Last summer, I was having a barbecue. Everybody was outside. Suddenly, we hear this loud screaming,” he said. “Upstairs, our neighbor was having sex. Everybody was like, ‘You go, girl,’ cheering them on.
“We never heard anything else after that.”
Maybe the Post can test out the best way to make your neighbors be quiet during sex by having Mandy Stadtmiller and Justin Rocket Silverman fuck inside a studio with paper-thin walls inside an East Village walkup? You know they want to!
(Photo from the set of Rear Window via)