rsz_photoDespite enrolling in the School of Massage Therapy and Happy Endings, at the age of six, I am not a good Asian. My parents are the whitest white people (BBQ-USA-Freedom!) you have ever seen, and subsequently I have no Korean culture in my life. Despite stating this fact, over and over, people (men, mostly) seem to think that I am subservient and will “love them long time,” while simultaneously writing their math thesis.

If you don’t conform to the stereotype attached to your race, you are judged differently than if you were just some white dude who bellowed his God rants, at the top of his lungs, on North 7th. That guy is just “Angry God Guy,” whereas if they were from South of the border (Mexico, not Taco Bell), he’d be “Angry Mexican guy.” I personally don’t have a problem with that, as I believe that your race is part of who you are, therefore using it to describe someone is perfectly acceptable. I do, however, find it funny that if the person isn’t part of the Aryan brotherhood, their race is ALWAYS mentioned.

There have been several occasions where a friend has been regaling me with their tale about some female they recently tried to roofie, and the second sentence out of their mouth, after stating the girl’s name, is something like, “And she’s black.” They then look at me, straight in the eye, to gauge my reaction and JUDGE. What is the appropriate attitude to have, in a situation like that? I always take the offensive, non-funny route, and acknowledge such a statement by asking if they smelled like fried chicken; but let’s say I was being serious, then what? When people state another person’s race, are they looking for validation, or has it just become so commonplace to attach progeny to identity that it’s akin to stating gender?

As a former legal alien and citizen of the United States of America, I truly believe that all people are created equal (except for the gays, because they don’t really count as people). I mean, just because you’re really good at making burritos doesn’t mean that that’s your calling in life; you can always have another part-time job, at the swap meet.

Seriously though, all pseudo-bigotry aside, things like this make me ill. Listen, bitch (I’ll own up to being a misogynist any day), the reason you don’t have WET is because every major network, besides BET, is predominantly white. You do have a white history month, it’s EVERY FUCKING MONTH. The reason that there are college funds and scholarships for other races, is because it has been proven statistically that the demographic of those most impoverished are not white; and besides, there are many grants that I can list that a black person wouldn’t be caught dead applying for (Sophie Major Memorial Duck Calling Scholarship, anyone?) . I don’t know what state you live in, but try to tell me you’re not making it out on top. As far as white pride goes, I don’t think anyone really has a problem with that, it’s when you take it to the next level and use it as a harbinger for hate that riles people up. Yes, it’s unfortunate that “White Pride” is associated with the KKK and other hate supergroups, because I completely understand why one would find comfort in their racial unity, but you’re still governing America, despite the fact that we have a partially-black president, so shut the hell up already.

I don’t really know where I was going with this, but now I’m angry, and I need to go play the violin and do some nails to calm my nerves.