If the mayor gets his way, New York’s 1.7 million recipients of food stamps will no longer be allowed to use them to buy their Tabs, refreshing RC Colas, or any other pops, reports the New York Times.

Mayor Bloomberg has asked the U.S. Department of Agriculture for permission to institute the ban, which is part of his campaign to make everyone in NYC skinnier and more beautiful—like fashion models, but ones who don’t smoke, because they can’t, because of RULES.

Oh, this AP article says Governor David Paterson is backing the ban as well, and that the request to the USDA is happening today. The ban would last for two years, after which all the svelte food stamp recipients will find high-paying jobs modeling jeans. And then they won’t be poor or need food stamps anymore, and everyone will win, the end.