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Upping the Bar With Colton Harris-Moore

Colton_Harris_Moore_MugshotWhenever someone is relatively attractive, and does something sketchy, I feel obligated to write about them. Opportunely, 2010 seems like the year of the rat, with an abundance of scumbags being thrown our way, begging to be analyzed and honored.

My new favourite outlaw is none other than Colton Harris-Moore, the Barefoot Bandit. Kid is only 19 years old, has stolen three planes, is suspected of crimes in five different states and Canada, leaves money for disadvantaged animals near crime scenes, and is now on the run from the po-lice in the Bahamas…all without shoes!

Okay, honestly, I’m sure he has shoes, or at least had shoes, but allegedly he committed a couple of crimes without them, and we all know how much the media likes a cute moniker.

Originally from Washington, Colton has been getting in trouble ever since anyone can remember. Stealing his neighbour’s Mercedes-Benz, petty theft from the local supermarket, and over 100 other random burglaries.

Colton seems to only steal what he needs to get by; things like food, bear mace, and night goggles (because that’s what every 19 year old who is absconding from justice needs), but also swindles small airplanes, and then somehow flies them despite the fact that he’s never taken lessons. According to police, he learned how to fly by reading manuals and playing video games. Had I known that shit was that easy, I’d be in some third world country right now, living in the lap of luxury.

Colt, as people call him back home, is believed to have stolen a Cessna 400 from Bloomington, Indiana on the fourth of July. The plane was later found crashed in the shoreline waters of the Bahamas. Due to this incident, and the ones leading up to it, the FBI put a $10,000 bounty over the kid’s head, and more importantly, 20th Century Fox just bought the rights to his story.

So, luckily, if Colton is never found because he’s probably dead, his legacy will live on through the modern miracle that is moving pictures. Thank God.