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In less than an hour, Tiger Woods will step up to a podium and say something. What he’ll say exactly in anyone’s guess, but it’s being carried live by all three major networks, all the cable news networks, ESPN and Lifetime (Kidding!). Is anyone else wondering what’s going through the Flapjack Floozy’s mind this morning? Anyway, you can watch the whole thing live right here.

Tiger won’t be taking questions, so it’s not really a press conference in the traditional sense, and the golf writers are so pissed off about this so they’ve decided to boycott him or something. Rumors were swirling this morning that Michael Jordan would be in attendance to lend emotional support to a fellow poon-hound, but then that rumor was shot down by ESPN. This thing is a shitshow and it hasn’t even started yet. I predict it will be an epic, EPIC failure. Get your popcorn ready!

And again, our thoughts this morning are with the Flapjack Floozy. Do you think she’s working this morning, serving pancakes at the diner? Or is she going to be watching her boy on Fox News back at the trailer? Be strong FF…the tired eyes of a weary nation weep for you today. Or something.

If you’re stuck at work without a TV, you can watch the trainwreck unfold live below…

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