Weird Shit That Happens In the Womb

01.25.10 Kari Ferrell

Baby in womb3 While mourning the loss of Jersey Shore, this little gem was presented to me. It got me thinking about the womb; how mine is currently vacant, and how even government subsidization can’t rock my boat. However, I found a few things that make me a little less apprehensive about getting knocked up.

Calcified Fetuses
Who knew that for the price of a cup of coffee a day, one could have their very own semi-precious stone baby? Take the 90-year-old woman from Qingshen County, China who went to the hospital for a “serious stomachache” and found out that she was carrying someone’s love child, and had been, for the past 58 years. Apparently Huang Yijun’s stomach issues were unrelated to the wombstone and it was allowed to stay.

Large Womb Available for Sublet
What do we, as Americans, do when we have a task to complete, but don’t want to do it ourselves? Hand it over to India, of course. Offshore outsourcing has really upped the bar with “reproductive tourism”. The Akanksha Clinic in India can save someone up to $58,000
for a prime, grade-A surrogate (yes, I am comparing the women to beef–they’re gods there!). WASPs, put down your mimosas, and get that multicultural tax write-off you’ve been waiting for.

Birth of a Twilight Zealot
It’s old news that Twilight gave heroin addicts something other than heroin to care about, but it also gave us this; which apparently is a to-scale model of Bella’s womb, with freak vampire-Corky fetus included. Can you imagine if that person’s mother terminated? Really gets me thinking.

So, fellas, put your future-stoppers back in your wallet and just stick it in already.

Image via: swscreen