Gawker just announced the 2010 Webutante Ball, and yours truly is on the committee. Which basically means that I was asked to be on it, and I said “yes.” Perfect position without any real responsibility, and all I had to do was suck Nick Denton’s dick.
Not only that, but I am nominated for an induction to the Fameball Hall of Fame; which is just as prestigious as it sounds. It will look good on my resume (but maybe not as good as “Hipster of the Decade NOMINEE [see: didn’t fucking win]”), and I’m sure it will help me secure a high-paying job eventually. So, vote for me, unless you hate me (what up: gook commenter) then vote for Julia Allison.
Anyway, to get to the point: Bearded Boy just flew out to Afghanistan, which leaves me without a proper date and bang buddy. So, I am holding a contest for the chance to get an all-inclusive VIP pass to the 2010 Webutante Ball, and a chance to be shamed forever–on the internet–by being seen in public with me. The Ball is being held at Marquee in Chelsea, and liquor will be provided. Illegal substance may be abundant, and there’s a chance that you will be able to stick one of your body parts inside of one of my holes.
To win this contest, I’m asking for the best submission (to: email@example.com) under these guidelines:
–Must be of drinking age (as much as I’d love to roll in with a 14 year old Justin Bieber look-alike, looks like I’m going to have to hold off)
–Must submit photo of themselves donning the attire that they are planning on wearing to the event (remember, technically it’s prom themed; and if you don’t quite have that perfect outfit, at least describe it in full detail)
–Must submit photo of themselves doing something, or surrounded by, things they feel most accurately represent me
–Must submit stats with photo (height, weight, dick size, dick weight, cup size, job status, scale of narcissism from 1-Tila Tequila)
–Must have beard (even you ladies, if there are any)
I don’t have a lawyer (for this kind of thing, at least), so this is all on your own accord, and I can not be held responsible for the SWAT team busting down your door, because you took a photo of you standing in front of your cash crop, and posted it on the internet.
Last year’s Ball was a complete success, though I couldn’t attend due to, uhhh, other obligations; and I don’t expect anything less from this year. So, if you’d like a chance to be part of history for a good cause; submit!
Deadline: May 24th, 2010