Today begins the new weekly event that you will all soon learn to love and look forward to. It has something to do with me writing about creepy sexual practices that I could probably get into, assuming that drugs and publicity were involved. Continuing on until I get bored of it, You People Are Gross has an approximated shelf-time of two weeks.

Starting off with a bang, YPAG’s first featured group of undesirables are the furries.

For those of you who don’t know, furries are those who have an affinity for dressing up as anthropomorphic animals, and then copulating through special holes that have been cut in the suits. To be fair, identifying as a furry doesn’t necessarily mean that you fuck in the costumes, though that doesn’t negate the fact that you most definitely want to.

The furry lifestyle seems to have cultivated around the 1980’s, when all good things were born. After the advent of the internet, shit went off, and it became even easier to find like-minded freaks.

Many activities exist for furries, but the largest and supposedly non-sexual event is the annual FurCon. Here you can participate in family-friendly activities, such as Twister and costume contests. Though not promoted, the likelihood of you finding someone to settle for is high.

When two furries do finally get down, it is referred to as yiffing, due to the sound mating foxes make, or something. Yiffing can happen in a number of ways (fur suit on or fur suit off, mask or painted face, etc.), but can be considered yiffing as long as the action consists of two sad sacks sticking it in one another.

As with any form of kink, there are many sub-genres. The cutest and most disturbing being “cub”-related. As one can guess, this has to do with young and underage furries; being so popular that there is a magazine dedicated to the subject, appropriately titled Softpaw.

Not to be confused with plushies, furries are only into animals with a human-like identity. According to statistics, only 4.13% consider themselves plushies, and 3.69% identify as zoophiles.

Do you blame them, though? How could you not be attracted to this (NSFW) or whatever the shit this is (also NSFW)? That’s right, it’s impossible. Your jowls are salivating, and you’re chomping at the bit. It’s okay, you have a support system; and isn’t that all you’ve been looking for this whole time anyway? True friends that will accept you for what you really are, even if that happens to be a perverted Sonic the Hedgehog? Yes, that’s all you have ever wanted. Yiff away, my young soft paw.