The only time I want any sort of plastic wrap involved in coitus is when I realize that I forgot to grab a handful of free condoms at the bar, and that if I ever had a child it would come out looking like an Asian Philip Seymour Hoffman. However, there are people who seem to relish the idea of having to use drinking straws in their nose to breathe.

This is called mummification, and there are many off-shoots of this particular form of BDSM that you will learn about today!

The purpose of mummification is to leave you feeling helpless, deprived, and clammy. Some claim that while mummified you experience things on a different plane, though that doesn’t really make it seem any less creepy.

Some people enjoy the feeling of being encased so much, that they employ the help of machines. Vacuum beds are the Space Saver Bags of kink, and I’m curious as to which idea came first. As a plus, when someone rubs up against you it feels like a dolphin’s skin, fulfilling all of your childhood dreams of Sea World.

Total enclosure fetishism seems to have a tight working relationship with latex and PVC, and Greenman.

Even Cosmo is getting into the mummy-play, by suggesting that their readers bind themselves to their partner, and attempt to get it on. That sounds like the worst idea ever.

I guess I don’t really understand the appeal, because very few suits or bags have holes in which you can penetrate. BDSM I can get down with, because things can still be shoved inside of you, but with a half inch of latex covering your holes, I don’t grasp the concept. Sure, it feels good and gets you going, but after the 25 minutes it takes to get you out of the vacuum bag, are you still going to be all about it?

As always, to each their own. If you want to autoerotic-asphyxiate yourself to death, be my guest. Just remember that whether you’re a Dexter wannabe or a CEO, people are still going to find your fleshy mass, shrink wrapped into place, while Sussudio plays on repeat.