Here’s Why the Times Shouldn’t Do Gossip

A New York Times photo intern was arrested for disorderly conduct and harassment reports the New York Times. Karly Domb Sadof was snapping photos of Paris Hilton at Port Authority on Thursday—yes I know that sounds absurd already—when Port Authority officers started acting more like private security and at the urging of Hilton’s team, tried to prevent her from taking anymore. That’s when the photographer allegedly pushed a Port Authority cop in the face. Speaking of beat up faces, who’s the blond?

Beverly Hills Doesn’t Want Weed Dragging Down Its Image

Earlier this week, the Beverly Hills City Council voted to permanently prohibit medical weed facilities of any kind within their jurisdiction. Community Development Director Susan Healy Keene cited “recent criminal activity involving dispensaries” and the “potential disruption to the community character” as concerns that led to the ban. Don’t they know that dispensaries don’t have to be all Dancing Bears and Graffix bong stickers, some of them are classy.

Jurors Judging Buju

The 12 jurors hearing Buju Banton’s cocaine conspiracy retrial have retired and begun deliberations. A verdict could be handed down as early as this afternoon. If found guilty, the Grammy Award-winning dancehall extraordinaire could face life in prison. But if he’s innocent, can look forward to a booming career and just as importantly, the highest quality.

Bloomberg’s Reeducation Plan

Hire some sarcastic crazy lady with no experience who all the parents hate and lay off 4,666 teachers. That’s basically the gist of Mayor Bloomberg’s education strategy and proposed school budget for 2012.

Caravaggio Was a Thug and a Jerk

According to Caravaggio’s recently deciphered olde police records, the painter killed that guy over a game of tennis. Note the sketch of the weapons he open-carried without a permit. Once, he assaulted a waiter with a plate of cooked artichokes and smashed a hole in the ceiling of his rented studio to lug his big paintings through. Artists…

NYC Needs More Bank Robbers

This week the “Holiday Bandit” struck for a seventh time in two months, but not even his criminal proclivities are enough to warrant a joint bank robbery task force with the FBI and so the NYPD is dissolving the unit and redeploying its six detectives to investigate other crimes as well. Wait, does that mean they just sat around unless bank robberies were committed?