Have you seen it? It’s a damage-control dealie that clocks in at two minutes PLUS and is not that great. But what did you expect?

The Scientologists are probably aware that the ad is far too long to appeal to the average American media consumer, who is always on the go and has no attention span. But they needed all that time to show you how many problems they’re solving, like raising awareness of “psychiatric abuse,” and helping people stay married, and cranking out America’s volunteers. Just look at all these statistics:

Oh OK, if you say so.

The only thought I have after watching this ad relates to the woman’s voice that kicks in at around 1:30. I’ve always wondered how you get a job providing those oooh and ahhhh sounds for commercials. Are there auditions for these gigs? Do some singers specialize in this type of singing, so that there’s a “circuit”? How do they pay?

Going “oooooh” into a microphone for 30 seconds seems like a pretty good gig, but only if the product is worth promoting. Scientology does not count as one of these products! Would be better to wail on behalf of Luna bars or biodegradable tampons, something like that.