Geez, as if  it wasn’t already impossible to get a job these days, one of the easiest ones available could now very well kill you. That’s right folks. Blowjobs are out to give you cancer. According to a recent study, the number of throat cancer cases has risen sharply since the 1980s and a high percentage of them are directly related to HPV.

If recent trends continue, by 2020 there will be more cases of throat cancer than cervical cancer. So basically, if you’ve gone downtown since Punky Brewster and Bosom Buddies went off the air, you’re on notice.

So here’s the long and short of it. If you’re a fiend for fellatio and you love sucking dick either get vaccinated or spend the rest of your life checking your throat for lumps and having mini panic attacks.

When asked for commentary, all of NYC collectively agreed that this sucks. (Photo: Brian Boulos/flickr)